Desk Hack Questionnaire

1 = Never; 2 = Very Infrequently; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Very Frequently; 5 = Always

1. How often do you end your requests on an unstressed syllable, implying deference?

2. How often do you contemplate your overall dexterity with office supplies, their usage and reclamation?

3. How often do you marvel at your recall of office, departmental extension numbers?

4. Note the frequency of your misinterpreted, poorly-coded memos as they correlate to some degree of your self-worth?

5. Rate the frequency of your cued recall of the latest, and ever-changing, abbreviation or acronym?

6. How often do you take pride in being at the center of the "gossip hub" and/or "misinformation ring"?

7. How often do you find yourself unable to replenish from the fatigue of responding to the demands from disembodied voices?

8. How often do you place the desired document in the desired hands, on the first attempt?

9. How often do you find other people reaching into your personal space...as if you did not exist?

10. About how often do you need to reference something work-related at your internet-disabled workstation?

11. How often are you the poor unfortunate of a visitor's displaced hostility?

12. How often do you affirm your skills outside of your workstation, in your leisure?

13. How often do you accurately retrace every catacomb for people (like yourself) sign, arrow, and number illiterate?

14. How often do you enforce the company policy of "Friendly Fascism" with others descending from you on the (discreet and discrete) earnings scale?

15. How often do you attend to the color, even script as it applies to whiteboard neatness?

16. How often do you experience dry eyes from scrying at a computer screen?

17. How often do you pass on information to be later invalidated by others, more or less repeating the same information?

18. How often do you experience somatoform symptoms--like slow hands that will not grip a pen or a numb ass that circumnavigates via office chair?

19. Rate your day-to-day consistency with name-dropping.

20. How often do you adhere to the policy, "most of all, have fun"?