Subordinate Notions...for 58.65

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The Redeemer-Victim Within

However you may consciously define
what it means to be a woman, there is an image within you of woman as
compassionate redeemer, and sometimes as victim. This image is strongly
activated in you through your relationship with Jacqueline. It is best portrayed
by the Christian figure of Mary, the Mater Dolorosa who weeps for the sins and
suffering of humankind. But the image of woman as redeemer and victim is really
much older than the Christian one. Its roots lie in the ancient oceanic
mother-goddesses such as the Babylonian Tiamat, who create the universe and are
then dismembered by the hero-gods. These goddesses are terrifying as well as
life-engendering, for they also swallow up their creations and start all over
again. The most positive attribute of this inner figure is a deep sensitivity to
human suffering, and a compassionate response to others' needs. These gifts of
the heart form part of your essential character. Even if you are not really
conscious of this dimension of your femininity, nevertheless others are probably
aware of it because they are the beneficiaries. The dark side of this image,
however, is reflected by the devouring propensities of the mother- goddesses of
ancient myth. The close emotional identification which you feel toward other
people also means that you may have difficulty in establishing your own
boundaries and containing your own emotional needs. It is possible that you saw
an example of the more difficult face of this archetypal image enacted by your
mother during your childhood, and have recoiled against this aspect of your own
character as a result. But if you are able to separate your early and perhaps
negative experiences from the true meaning and potential of this inner figure,
the great depth, insight and compassion inherent in your personality can be
expressed without the victimisation and martyrdom that so often accompanies
these gifts.

The conflict between openness to others and firm
personal boundaries is a difficult one, and you will need at some point in your
life to confront this issue honestly if you are to live your inner image of
woman in a creative and personally fulfilling way. Probably your mother had few
boundaries and great emotional needs, and her dependency on others may have put
her into situations where she suffered without having the power to take charge
of her own life. You might also have experienced her suffering as somewhat
manipulative, and may also have perceived her sacrifices as bearing very high
price tags in terms of what she required in return. There might indeed have been
a good deal of unconscious manipulation in her behaviour and situation. You seem
to carry a certain amount of guilt and a deep sense of obligation toward her
which you unconsciously express in your relationship with Jacqueline as well as
with others who need you. However independent you may appear on the surface, it
is often difficult for you to say "No" to others' demands because you fear the
separateness and isolation this might bring you. But if you placate your partner
or martyr yourself because of a fear of loneliness, you will also accumulate a
large reservoir of resentment and bitterness which will in turn make you
unconsciously manipulative in the same way your mother might have been. Your
compassionate response and empathy with others' pain are very real and beautiful
attributes of your character. But they may be mixed up with guilt about what you
felt you owed to a suffering parent in childhood. If you believe you are only
lovable and worthwhile when you are needed and useful, you could also
inadvertently try to live for and through your partner, thus compensating for
your own lack of a firm, coherent identity.

At the core of your inner life the image of woman as
compassionate healer stands as the foundation of your emotional world within
this relationship. You can live this figure at the same time that you develop
other aspects of your personality, for these qualities are not mutually
exclusive with a full and independent creative life. But it is likely that you
will need to explore your more negative unconscious assumptions about this
archetypal facet of the feminine. It seems that some element of sacrifice or
suffering which you perceived in your mother's life has driven you into
believing that you cannot have a close and emotionally fulfilling relationship
with your partner while at the same time maintaining healthy boundaries and your
own psychological and material self-sufficiency. The dark side of your inner
image of woman is the passive victim and martyr, where sacrifice may also be a
kind of manipulative tool to generate guilt and a sense of obligation in others.
It is likely that you saw quite a lot of this darker side acted out in
childhood. If this was so, try not to let it drive you away from your own
emotional needs. For in your efforts not to be a victim you may inadvertently
dissociate from the voice of your own heart and wind up victimised anyway - not
by your partner, but by your own internal conflict. The mythic figures who
personify this subtle but powerful face of the feminine are hardly victims. They
are usually omnipotent goddesses who create the manifest universe. When you have
discovered the great strength that lies in your vulnerability and need of
others, you will have found the key to the most creative expression of this
inner woman.