Tuesday, October 7, 2008
On Introductions
I take little initiative with introductions or, like someone considering herself elite, I deposit a perfunctory answer. I later regret that, but there is never the guarantee for anyone that an impression will be faithfully transmitted and received. I console myself with the possibility that each encounter is an re-introduction just as a photographic study of a landscape or an object at various times of the day all together make a series. Am I ready for my close-up? What this usually amounts to is referent items--the handbag, the seductive bookcover, the sequin-studded mobile phone case.
Instead, I focus on being the first to respond with "I am well" in order to avoid that defensive position of "being good." I am expert at sensing someone's lack of underwear or lack of respectable underwear. Certainly there is that air of confidence surrounding someone who has made a conscious decision about what to wear under one's clothes should they be granted visibility, as if suddenly they are the choice items of a storefront vitrine. The feeling is, "here, this is really what you get beyond my proprieties."
It is entirely possible that I will never move beyond introductions. Neither correspondent deems it that way. Any relation is an inexplicable departure on my way as I swerve in traffic, a body in noise-driven absorption by "Broken English." What could be more mundane than a woman with broad-ranging interests, the majority of which she pursues in solitude? I cannot think of any other intentioned act towards ultimate irrelevance. To be eligible to sit alone with only one's company requires that you fold away your attitude of unimportance, since it is a creased letter in an un-post-marked-envelope to be aired out on occasions such as these.
Instead, I focus on being the first to respond with "I am well" in order to avoid that defensive position of "being good." I am expert at sensing someone's lack of underwear or lack of respectable underwear. Certainly there is that air of confidence surrounding someone who has made a conscious decision about what to wear under one's clothes should they be granted visibility, as if suddenly they are the choice items of a storefront vitrine. The feeling is, "here, this is really what you get beyond my proprieties."
It is entirely possible that I will never move beyond introductions. Neither correspondent deems it that way. Any relation is an inexplicable departure on my way as I swerve in traffic, a body in noise-driven absorption by "Broken English." What could be more mundane than a woman with broad-ranging interests, the majority of which she pursues in solitude? I cannot think of any other intentioned act towards ultimate irrelevance. To be eligible to sit alone with only one's company requires that you fold away your attitude of unimportance, since it is a creased letter in an un-post-marked-envelope to be aired out on occasions such as these.
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www.photography-now.net
Ah, Patti Smith, we are hereto unacquainted...
Oh yes, I know "Because the Night" the best...now I have another reason to buy her albums.
I like this double exposure for an album cover, as much as I like the album.
http://www.superseventies.com/ac5hejira.html
I was just thinking today, how the means of changing genders is becoming more mainstream. Will there ever be a point in the future where someone will anticipate being one embodiment, to experience and seize its benefits, and then to change to another, to embrace the full experience? This might be infuriating to someone who has made that path with the current state of things, and how costly it is, in every sense of the word, it is to live with oneself.
The effort of introductions arises from a feeling of being lonely; despite being in the company of someone, where there is never a point in which the competition equilibrates, the exterior lays down its quills. There is being guarded, or shielding or exclaiming one's inadequacies.
I am not vetting this, just excerpting for further examination:
http://www.mythomorph.com/wp/joan-of-arc-revealed/
It is at the same time completely right, and strange, that we should be coalescing into this date.
By working incrementally, unceasingly, I know.
When I eventually get the nerve that will be it. I won't want to do it anymore. Start and stop, with someone else. It has only taken decades for this diamond pressured between us to coalesce, and clarify.
My family speaks to me in the diminutive. Can you imagine if we walked into this mad house, Jackie and her little friend?
I give myself a break. It appears that I am following a thousand threads in a labyrinth of my own making, but I cannot be any other way. I honor the relationships that I have with resolve. I work full time, and mentor there. I have high continuing education requirements I exceed with the plan for more certification. I help create a stable home for my brother's children, which may be my only legacy in that regard. I also keep my creative/intellectual life alive with courses, reading, and projects.
One thing I find so impoverished is the thinking that I must do more to finally make my imprint in the world, and to be respectable. Being embraced by my facile, contradictory betters is not an aspiration.
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