"You get angry when I say Monsters, but just look at yourself. Look at yourself -- look at me. Go on, look. I am not wearing the red flower belt so you can see how I am. Now look at The Cleft, we are the same, The Cleft and the Clefts. No wonder you cover yourselves there, but we don't have to. We are nice to look at, like one of those shells we can pick off a rock after a storm. Beautiful - you taught us that word and I like to use it. I am beautiful, just like The Cleft with its pretty red flowers. But you are all bumps and lumps and the thing like a pipe which is sometimes like a sea squirt. Can you wonder that when the first babes like you were born we put them out for the eagles?" (12).
17 comments:
http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/photo-of-the-day/stormy-skies-lake/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Social&utm_content=link_fb20140116photo-pod&utm_campaign=Content
I hit the back button on an extensive explanation. When I think back to when I wrote this, I was in a sexual relationship where my uterine anomaly mattered quite a lot, but not in the reproductive sense. Having a complete uterine didelphys is different from being a woman with complete fusion of the Müllerian ducts in that there is one introitus, which allows penetration with larger widths. In the former case, one has to be very aroused to experience full penetration of two sides. I suspect; however, it is the case for most women, as they become more outspoken about their needs, that the dessicating effects of alcohol (barrier saline is forced through the distended mucosa that thins with tapering estrogen), lack of emotional connection or rapport, hastened foreplay, followed by prolonged penetration, produces an unsatisfying encounter one is reluctant to imitate. Intimacy is overcoming conversations and experiences like these.
The loop scissors were a circular image, like the cockade, and I did not dream of excisions, such as the one for a uterine septal defect. I am very matter-of-fact about biology, so I speak plainly.
Is a relationship contingent on reproduction, with possible complications? Not necessarily; yet I would not dilate as I do without some resonance on the subject. Nevertheless, I feel that I am at that intersection where one experiences a Will to Life, and it is either gratefully or ruefully circumvented, for the lack of a partner, for work, before being sensibly extinguished. As a woman who has had a sexual history with women, and with anatomical and psychological admissions, I would ordinarily reflect on myself as a monster, with no justifiable right to exist. With the probability of the right partner, and the suggestion of commitment, my negative conclusions are muted for the possibilities that are others's birthright.
Why did I insert the Jones's excision? What I have now gradually grown to accept, with a bit of adjustment to two uteri and two independent cycles, I then concluded in the most disparaging sense.
How does one vault the ease of independence, with the sympathies of friendship, perhaps with an erotic twinge, than by stating that one wants to swallow the other person, at the most hidden, perplexing region of existence, and give birth to it? That, is beyond legislative action.
It is not selfishness that I resort to restating my own thoughts on this, with my own body, but how else do I draw your thoughts about it? My perception is that you had several people in your life you wanted to ask you just that, or perhaps unconsciously transform you into that state, but you have buried it. You are not sure about it, now.
http://books.google.com/books?id=PraAA_pqCfEC&lpg=PA250&dq=Giacometti%20horn&pg=PP1#v=onepage&q=Giacometti%20horn&f=false
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poem/17163
Carolyn Kizer died from the complications of dementia, so I suppose she had to cram it all in before it was no longer recognized, despite her watery premonitions. A thought to keep oneself mortal, but in my experience, I do not think anyone remembers the locations of the fire escapes to jump, or the horded pills, which are taken to spare everyone.
One can only be grateful for being a conduit for other lives, but the model of living with a powerless decline should be a thing of the past. There are 36 biochemical levels to fine tune, to "mend the roof" so to speak. There will be a time when the mind/spirit/animus/anima will no longer be localized to the brain, and the limitations that imposes.
Regarding the nine nails (nine, for Yesod) above the Hierophant, in the red oriel:
https://books.google.com/books?id=8ryqiIB0C1UC&lpg=PA113&dq=nine%20of%20wands&pg=PA113#v=onepage&q=nine%20of%20wands&f=false
Yes. Thecla betulae was here waiting to be rediscovered. So only you know when it is time to plant the seeds of your choice; confident that they will be carried full-term, and watered near my heart? I can accept this, but please know that I have not been consistent in yielding all of this to you, not because I have changed my mind, but it has not been clear how it will manifest. I will trust that you will know; when someone told me what she thought you wanted, I was stirred, at that moment, to give it to you. When I consider how much a casual acquaintance such as ours continues to access the Mind, I feel that it must be counterbalanced by a biological imperative.
http://www.color-scope.com/scope?scope=080904
After Teresa, My Love, this is the text.
http://www.mhpbooks.com/books/group-portrait-with-lady/
On a blackberry vine:
http://nihongo.wunderground.com/blog/Feather3/comment.html?entrynum=45&tstamp=200803
I cannot relate to what is left here. I was not my fault that things happened as they did.
I will eventually put Exercise 90 here.
Mouthwash and roses. I will reread Group Portrait with Lady (1972). Never Said a Word (1953), too. I have become that what's-her-name of no account who tries to live in accordance with an internal code that will never be acknowledged. I understand this. This is no humble brag.
My perception gleaned from these last few weeks is that there is no real connection between people anymore, a few fleeting seconds, and default screen returns. Every interaction is infinitely tunable to produce maximum desirability, efficiency, brag-ability, or else turn off. Thank you, for reminding me, more than anyone, that every last person in the world is a conditional lover.
I am pivoting to working in accounting as a middle aged woman who moonlights as a bedside nurse. The puzzle of forms appeals to my conscientious side on the action of an invisible burden like debt and taxes. A full-time hospital gig in any profession has a shelf life; not to mention that the stress and long hours reduce long-term survivability.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5V2ZvG2Qs7g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH4iQGIypgs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O55hbWU6ilU&list=RDO55hbWU6ilU&start_radio=1
Venus conjunction Chiron exact at 05:30
activity period from 26 June 2022 until 28 June 2022
https://youtu.be/VedBVeyZWm0
https://www.google.com/books/edition/Neil_Young_and_Philosophy/laW-DwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=a%20man%20needs%20a%20maid%20lyrics%20Harvest%201972&pg=PA155&printsec=frontcover
Maybe I will amend the blank screens on empty faces projection, particularly while I have felt this vulnerable recently.
I remember the six month process prior to an interview with the department head at the VA, and then the asinine interview, "What is your favorite animal?"
A giraffe. This is my favorite animal given its high visual acuity, rare color vision in mammals, and long-distance global vision, all of work ward others on the savanna. The heart net of its neck is unique. Not to mention, the unique but categorized into seven species patterns.
Just then, I looked at the wall of the particularly fat manager, and saw a poster of a giraffe.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28396824/
That aside, I read this one in my ArtScroll Messorah edition of Tehillim. I also started the ArtScroll Purim festival book, but I did not finish it today. I read the parashat. Voluntary acceptance and rededication of the Torah is the sentiment of the Hag.
I awoke with aching in the bottom of my neck. Being awake means one can never go back to sleep, and disregard the things one has learned. I will read and understand in the bilingual siddur and Hebrew explanatory texts. Doing and then understanding that it was all a benefit to one's development.
https://books.google.com/books?id=sK3CrrTkdYgC&pg=PA152&dq=shemot+they+will+do+and+they+will+understand+will+they+understand&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiOjv_17PmEAxVFhYkEHXLPDvUQ6AF6BAgIEAM#v=onepage&q=shemot%20they%20will%20do%20and%20they%20will%20understand%20will%20they%20understand&f=false
https://outorah.org/p/3487/
https://aish.com/luz-bone/
Saturday, I read my religious books all day. No lighting fires besides lights. I pause for a nap; but not because I am tired, but to understand and enter the higher meaning of what I have read.
The answers to my development and livelihood is enriched by such study.
Exercise 91.
*all of which toward warning others on the savanna
Post a Comment