"You get angry when I say Monsters, but just look at yourself. Look at yourself -- look at me. Go on, look. I am not wearing the red flower belt so you can see how I am. Now look at The Cleft, we are the same, The Cleft and the Clefts. No wonder you cover yourselves there, but we don't have to. We are nice to look at, like one of those shells we can pick off a rock after a storm. Beautiful - you taught us that word and I like to use it. I am beautiful, just like The Cleft with its pretty red flowers. But you are all bumps and lumps and the thing like a pipe which is sometimes like a sea squirt. Can you wonder that when the first babes like you were born we put them out for the eagles?" (12).
28 comments:
http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/photo-of-the-day/stormy-skies-lake/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Social&utm_content=link_fb20140116photo-pod&utm_campaign=Content
http://books.google.com/books?id=PraAA_pqCfEC&lpg=PA250&dq=Giacometti%20horn&pg=PP1#v=onepage&q=Giacometti%20horn&f=false
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poem/17163
Carolyn Kizer died from the complications of dementia, so I suppose she had to cram it all in before it was no longer recognized, despite her watery premonitions. A thought to keep oneself mortal, but in my experience, I do not think anyone remembers the locations of the fire escapes to jump, or the horded pills, which are taken to spare everyone.
One can only be grateful for being a conduit for other lives, but the model of living with a powerless decline should be a thing of the past. There are 36 biochemical levels to fine tune, to "mend the roof" so to speak. There will be a time when the mind/spirit/animus/anima will no longer be localized to the brain, and the limitations that imposes.
Regarding the nine nails (nine, for Yesod) above the Hierophant, in the red oriel:
https://books.google.com/books?id=8ryqiIB0C1UC&lpg=PA113&dq=nine%20of%20wands&pg=PA113#v=onepage&q=nine%20of%20wands&f=false
Yes. Thecla betulae was here waiting to be rediscovered. So only you know when it is time to plant the seeds of your choice; confident that they will be carried full-term, and watered near my heart? I can accept this, but please know that I have not been consistent in yielding all of this to you, not because I have changed my mind, but it has not been clear how it will manifest. I will trust that you will know; when someone told me what she thought you wanted, I was stirred, at that moment, to give it to you. When I consider how much a casual acquaintance such as ours continues to access the Mind, I feel that it must be counterbalanced by a biological imperative.
http://www.color-scope.com/scope?scope=080904
After Teresa, My Love, this is the text.
http://www.mhpbooks.com/books/group-portrait-with-lady/
On a blackberry vine:
http://nihongo.wunderground.com/blog/Feather3/comment.html?entrynum=45&tstamp=200803
I cannot relate to what is left here. I was not my fault that things happened as they did.
I will eventually put Exercise 90 here.
Mouthwash and roses. I will reread Group Portrait with Lady (1972). Never Said a Word (1953), too. I have become that what's-her-name of no account who tries to live in accordance with an internal code that will never be acknowledged. I understand this. This is no humble brag.
My perception gleaned from these last few weeks is that there is no real connection between people anymore, a few fleeting seconds, and default screen returns. Every interaction is infinitely tunable to produce maximum desirability, efficiency, brag-ability, or else turn off. Thank you, for reminding me, more than anyone, that every last person in the world is a conditional lover.
I am pivoting to working in accounting as a middle aged woman who moonlights as a bedside nurse. The puzzle of forms appeals to my conscientious side on the action of an invisible burden like debt and taxes. A full-time hospital gig in any profession has a shelf life; not to mention that the stress and long hours reduce long-term survivability.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5V2ZvG2Qs7g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH4iQGIypgs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O55hbWU6ilU&list=RDO55hbWU6ilU&start_radio=1
Venus conjunction Chiron exact at 05:30
activity period from 26 June 2022 until 28 June 2022
https://youtu.be/VedBVeyZWm0
https://www.google.com/books/edition/Neil_Young_and_Philosophy/laW-DwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=a%20man%20needs%20a%20maid%20lyrics%20Harvest%201972&pg=PA155&printsec=frontcover
Maybe I will amend the blank screens on empty faces projection, particularly while I have felt this vulnerable recently.
I remember the six month process prior to an interview with the department head at the VA, and then the asinine interview, "What is your favorite animal?"
A giraffe. This is my favorite animal given its high visual acuity, rare color vision in mammals, and long-distance global vision, all of work ward others on the savanna. The heart net of its neck is unique. Not to mention, the unique but categorized into seven species patterns.
Just then, I looked at the wall of the particularly fat manager, and saw a poster of a giraffe.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28396824/
That aside, I read this one in my ArtScroll Messorah edition of Tehillim. I also started the ArtScroll Purim festival book, but I did not finish it today. I read the parashat. Voluntary acceptance and rededication of the Torah is the sentiment of the Hag.
I awoke with aching in the bottom of my neck. Being awake means one can never go back to sleep, and disregard the things one has learned. I will read and understand in the bilingual siddur and Hebrew explanatory texts. Doing and then understanding that it was all a benefit to one's development.
https://books.google.com/books?id=sK3CrrTkdYgC&pg=PA152&dq=shemot+they+will+do+and+they+will+understand+will+they+understand&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiOjv_17PmEAxVFhYkEHXLPDvUQ6AF6BAgIEAM#v=onepage&q=shemot%20they%20will%20do%20and%20they%20will%20understand%20will%20they%20understand&f=false
https://outorah.org/p/3487/
https://aish.com/luz-bone/
Saturday, I read my religious books all day. No lighting fires besides lights. I pause for a nap; but not because I am tired, but to understand and enter the higher meaning of what I have read.
The answers to my development and livelihood is enriched by such study.
Exercise 91.
*all of which toward warning others on the savanna
This is not how I want to keep shabbat, driving and such, but I did this for the benefit of my family. Saturday night, I will catch up with a lecture.
Saw these on the coast, which very similar to killdeer:
https://www.audubon.org/field-guide/bird/ruddy-turnstone
The evenings on this beach were punctuated by families with flashlights spotlighting ghost crabs, and then catching them with nets. For observation, for the thrill of the hunt, or cut bait? It starts early, this compulsion to hunt and kill, and impose one's sovereignty over a seemingly lesser thing.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/10o_m4cR8-wiR5TbMbCDK5iWdYhOTGWZJ/view?usp=drivesdk
The midrow properties are for sale, even with the management of Sunset Vacations/Sunset Properties. Due to a slump in the rental season expectations? Even cruise ships are decrying the lack of customer interest. Hurricane insurance tripling?
I took a dawn walk, and I overheard a farmer on his deck selling his beef cattle, "I am going broke buying hay in November, and they nearly starved this February." The grazing is poor with drought and longterm weather pattern changes.
https://agrilifetoday.tamu.edu/2023/02/01/hay-supplies/
Evening visitors. Using the pool and improper painting accelerates the need for a Trex deck replacement, which is available through the Home Depot.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/131Nl7JxcJmSU4K72sCv5b1yVP_-8ec3_/view?usp=drivesdk
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1400uX56L7-yARIvGDaJvmoqI4hUnXjl2/view?usp=drivesdk
https://holyblossom.org/rosh-chodesh-about-the-month-of-tammuz/#:~:text=The%20tribe%20associated%20with%20Tammuz,attribute%20of%20the%20month%3A%20Vision.
https://theisraelbible.com/divine-matchmaking/
https://www.sefaria.org/Psalms.68.8?lang=bi&with=all
It was upsetting to receive a transfer from an outside hospital this evening. This patient had a critical STEMI post-left anterior descending artery (LAD) stent placement 8/3/24. His wife begged that he be transferred to our coronary/cardiac surgery stepdown unit because they gave him Motrin for pericarditis without a cardiac MRI, an echo or a diagnostic cath to clarify if he restenosed, dissected or experienced another complication to his stent. That kind of chest pain after a stent is uncommon, and it was unresponsive to nitro. I called a rapid response to get him upgraded to the CCU and back on the cath lab table, but the attending demurred to the outside facility's assessment, i.e., pericarditis with conservative management without performing any diagnostics.
I had to write an incident report. I told them that this was irregular, and it had been a Monday, he would have gone straight back to the cath lab. Delay of care could result in hypoperfusion (he went into AFib), and further myocardial ischemic damage.
"All STEMIs should be identified in a timely manner, and CODE STEMI procedures immediately activated according to local hospital practice. Patients are admitted to CCU following percutaneous intervention."
https://litfl.com/stemi-management/
https://www.acc.org/Latest-in-Cardiology/Articles/2019/08/06/14/41/Poll-Post-PCI-Care-for-STEMI
What is upsetting is that he became diaphoretic, nauseous and short of breath on oxygen, and while they were fooling around with a chest ray, a urine, a sputum and a Covid swab, he was likely going into cardiogenic shock with his wife watching helplessly.
"MI and the consequent depressed myocardial function lead to activation of several physiologic compensatory mechanisms, which can exacerbate the pathologic process in a cyclical self-generating (and degenerating) manner. These are initiated very early in CS and include sympathetic stimulation that increases heart rate, contractility, and renal fluid retention, which consequently increases the adverse left ventricular preload. The raised heart rate and contractility increase myocardial oxygen demand, further worsening myocardial ischemia. Fluid retention and impaired left ventricular diastolic filling caused by tachycardia and ischemia contribute to pulmonary venous congestion and hypoxemia. Sympathetic-mediated vasoconstriction to maintain systemic blood pressure increases myocardial afterload, which impairs cardiac performance by increasing the need for cardiac work. Increased myocardial oxygen demand with simultaneous inadequate myocardial perfusion worsens myocardial ischemia, initiating a vicious cycle that ultimately ends in death if uninterrupted.5"
https://citoday.com/articles/2020-may-june/cardiogenic-shock-in-stemi
I will find out Thursday.
The cath lab is staffed with corrupt people. It would be impossible not to be complicit in the fact that they intervene on choice days, and the weekends and holidays do not exist at all.
They are regularly and backhandedly comped meals and other entertainments by Abbott and Medtronic for coronary stents.
Interventions are performed under continuous x-rays in lead aprons, but not lead hats. Several have dropped dead in the last two years. One was shot in the Maldives by a fishing guide. A fitting recompense.
*Belize; not the Maldives.
The patient I mentioned came in Sunday, and it took three days for a cardiac MRI. In that time, his wife received calls about making him a DNR. He went home on home oxygen, and they did not tell her the results of the imaging. I saw her in the hallway, and begged her to ask for an echo, after being denied and delayed care, to access his ejection fraction. It could be documented, then, and compared to the pre-stent echo. Get a brief, subpoena the chart, it's done.
What is really sickening about this story is that he wanted to go home, annoyed with the unit routines, and the cardiology team obliged. The one interventional cardiologist, who is any good, came up and diffused the situation. He walks with a limp, and I saw him in the hallway, and I was shocked that he didn't do anything. It was blazingly wrong, and I glanced at him: you saw him outpatient, you are a member of his minority race, and you did nothing. You could have phoned Sunday for the imaging, and it would have been done.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5016748/
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