“ He treads once more his gardens in the west, he is cooled under his sycamore, he gazes on plots of fair tall trees, which he himself had planted when on earth.”
Despite progress like this, I drank the raw riverwater. The veil at last lifted.
This is what the reader is offered, the odd remaining oxygen zagging in sunlight--
This is what the reader is offered, the odd remaining oxygen zagging in sunlight--
How it affects our atmosphere. In this world of water, it was a light blue philtre.
Your own embarrassment in regard to it, and those who pass through this
Frequently used door I am glad you have found, clasping at a rail in the sunlight
A door framed by mint and an abandoned nest. I peel and return these conduits
From the brace of memory. Railing less than that, at those who pass through this.
Things seem to be changing, enlarging at their weakest point, my speaking honestly
Is least of my blessings--a flowering branch--building walls to approach its conduit.
Is least of my blessings--a flowering branch--building walls to approach its conduit.
Circumspect about the others, an instrument to some purpose. We collage around in order
To find something truly vital and organic. Setting up in the standpipe, expanding this
Movement among two needles, before there were individuals or tomb garden frescoes.
Deciding on a bamboo bureau or uprooting the stand outside, your house is in order.
The woodwork in the vanity, a fell wind shaking the stain in the tracing, washed clean,
Movement among two needles, before there were individuals or tomb garden frescoes.
Deciding on a bamboo bureau or uprooting the stand outside, your house is in order.
The woodwork in the vanity, a fell wind shaking the stain in the tracing, washed clean,
As if knowing the way back, water seeps to switch hands, and begin again in frescoes
In arbors and orchards that might have been windows. So many palms plastering the next
In arbors and orchards that might have been windows. So many palms plastering the next
Project. Each stem separating through the brake, where kneeling, and rendered clean
There are the minder's hands, and shapes the surface where I drank the river. The veil lifted,
From arbors and orchards, beyond our windows. Our palms dug in the runnels, rooting the next.
While the reality inside does not make anything, except your greeting. Strained through the sun's blue filter.
30 comments:
https://books.google.com/books?id=ff_fBAAAQBAJ&lpg=PA75&ots=TExuRlyDs7&dq=Streptomyces%20rimosus%20golden&pg=PA75#v=onepage&q=Streptomyces%20rimosus%20golden&f=false
Cultivating contentment. I will go first.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?smid=fb-style&smty=cur
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
It has always been the person that I love most. You. I realize that the stimulation of other guests is needed from time to time, but I take dates very seriously. It hurts me more than the discovery of infidelity, to play second to a smartphone at dinner...with the other double-booking.
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
I would like it both ways, to be known, and to be completely private.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
I used to take a few mental notes. I am more confident with a candid person, and hard to draw out with a reticent one.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
I know it when I feel it; the right amount of togetherness and alone time.
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I like to sing in the morning in the car, from time to time. NOT to the radio...loaded music.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
I would want the mind of a younger person; however, I do not view 90 as decrepit. As a result of having centenarian and near-centenarian people in my life, who did not mentally decline until after multiple health crises after 93, 96 or so, I have positive view of aging. I will need at least one hundred years to mature my best qualities.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Yes. I won't rush to seek medical interventions for manageable, if idiosyncratic symptoms. The longest living people I know stay away from pharmaceuticals and from hospitals. Antibiotics, yes. I never finish the full course, and I was right.
http://www.bmj.com/content/358/bmj.j3418
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
(1) intellectual growth, (2) spiritual purpose, (3) a higher ground for mutual honesty
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
Good mental and physical health, overall.
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I would change not being raised by my mother's husband. A climax of my life was the realization that I was not related to this man. I became a different person.
To be continued.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JCInU7KoqtQqOZhVxGUW363zjU8xUSAp/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1G7YdciGS9fkpWkGUnm7zzO84m-JUhQY5/view?usp=sharing
A Bloom A Day
Photographs by Ron Van Dongen and text by Billie Lythberg and Sian Northfield (2009)
This ponderous read is not great writing; it is weighted down by the same byline of network and community propaganda. I learned a bit.
https://books.google.com/books?id=1d_ODAAAQBAJ&lpg=PP1&dq=The%20Songs%20of%20Trees&pg=PT6#v=onepage&q=The%20Songs%20of%20Trees&f=false
There, done. The best part of the day is discharge; I always do my own, and everyone's because otherwise it takes too long. I like to think this short arrangement is leavened by throwing people out of the hospital. No more styrofoam cups, sedatives; now, here are your papers, phone your ride, and I will wheel you to the exit.
It is like being a footsoldier, this. I get my marching orders, and get others to stand on their own two feet (as much as possible), and get out the door. Being the walking wounded; midsternal incision, so? Concentrating on it will get one nowhere...
If I do not get a transfer, I will transfer everyone away from me. < 1 year of this. I am trying to fight through the weariness.
https://youtube.com/watch?time_continue=9&v=IRtEqQ6ijwg
In the vein the NYC paywall for Set II of the Arons's questions:
https://www.bettertopics.com/blog/300-questions-to-ask-your-partner-before-marriage/
I will pick ten to answer tonight.
When I reflect on that person in 2018, who liked patients to leave, I am still that nurse. I like to progress care, but it is not for my convenience. When I am not at work, no one will be accountable and "perform charge" unless mandated.
*home life
*I increased my contribution in 2023 to 8%, which could be better.
Ironically, I was offered an ICU position with 15% off my hourly rate. How can one have have educational requirements and high acuity (fresh surgeries and code upgrades), and make less? I suppose I will eventually, but like an NP, it is not appealing to train for a lower wage pigeonhole. I keep an open mind, but being a PCU grunt with ICU training means that I a firm grasp 80% of care for adults. Palliative is not unpleasant for me, and I admire my mother who is faltering in other ways, but has supported veterans and their families make the transition at night for the last decade.
Would you say you’re a healthy person?
I try to be healthy, and I take advice. I keep my family GP in name only because I have not made a satisfactory health alliance with a female practitioner. It is difficult to be matter of fact with one's personal health. I use a walk-in clinic for immunizations and antibiotics (2021 for a sinus infection), which I like best, immediate appointment time, and the physician is a former nurse. I had to ask for cream for a scabies infection when I undressed a homeless man.
Were you ever hospitalized? If so, what for?
Would you be willing to have surgery if it was required?
I sustained a broken radius at four from falling off my tricycle, which was set with procedural sedation. I remember the experience. I had a head CT (negative) after a car accident in a snowstorm. No one likes to be in the hospital. I aim to be helpful and discreet, which I would appreciate after surgery. I am not a drug gatekeeper.
Is taking care of yourself a mandatory principle in marriage? Do you owe it to your partner?
People might say that I am in healthcare, and why am I like ignorant people avoiding a yearly internist appointment? I do not like to feel forced into doing things, particularly regarding my body. Objectively, if I need blood pressure medicine, I would keep a log, eat better; and I already engage in some form of exercise five to six times a week, to prove to myself that I need medication.
Do your parents or extended family have serious illnesses?
Living beyond their nine decade, my relatives developed dementia, but they were morally intact, and we helped them.
Do you have medical insurance and dental insurance?
Yes. I regularly see my dentist twice a year since I was 28. I eat Greek yogurt once, if not twice daily, since that time to maintain my teeth and reduce gum inflammation.
A social worker in my team meetings says that it matters, in the end, how one's insurance pays, at least for rehab or therapies. Apparently, the federal worker gold plan is first with Mutual of Omaha a close contender. These outfits process benefits slowly, like the rest, while paying for everything. Health care is a crippling expense for the uninitiated.
Do you have a gym membership?
Yes. I do not go for over a hour. I make my mother go with me for twenty minutes on the elliptical and ten minutes of weights.
I like exercising with my partner prior to dinner or early in the morning. I am not competitive at the gym. I do it for stress relief. I most like taking long walks. Hiking is not a weekly activity, though I like it.
I will answer these Sunday night. I elected to sit out Labor Day at work, and it was a shock...Who is going to take the LVAD pending cholecystectomy, the chronic vent, the PCA amputee, the sex offender with a Dobhoff tube refusing to eat after an aortic dissection, and do charge?
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/deep-questions/
https://www.ismp.org/resources/fatal-pca-adverse-events-continue-happen-better-patient-monitoring-essential-prevent-harm
https://bmcanesthesiol.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12871-015-0157-y
What does friendship mean to you?
Friendship is knowing the details about the other person's life, while not necessarily alluding to the details one curated out of the frame of friendship. I think it is refreshing to empathize, and discuss philosophically, about the details without submitting judgment. I will hear the judgment about my life, though I will not appeal or completely act on the advice. One can rarely act as an autonomous decionmaker.
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
I need to be reminded to be more loving. Being affectionate in a relationship is the foundation to being intimate.
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner.
Share a total of five items.
Continuous self-improvement. Physical dscipline. Otherworldliness. Open-mindedness. Faith.
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
Love was conditional in my family. My maternal grandparents taught me familial love.
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
I relate to my mother as a sibling, friend and professional in our adult relationship. We get along best with a shared activity. Just when I think she is vegetating, she surprises me with an astute observation or academic analysis.
Read more at: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/deep-questions/
I see that answering these by text produces autocorrections and barely writing. I will sit all day to rewrite my notes for my animal science class, test, and then I will need to either go to the gym or walk. I will answer a third set of questions.
I am not working Tuesday night for Wednesday's learning section, which has been cancelled.
Sheep, goats, horses, and swine. I remember wanting to read this, and I did one better, and took the class. I will at last read it.
https://books.google.com/books?id=i_sjDwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=The+Inner+Life+of+Animals+Wohlleben&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjngY3D78CCAxWVv4kEHU9QDU8Q6AF6BAgOEAM#v=onepage&q=The%20Inner%20Life%20of%20Animals%20Wohlleben&f=false
I cannot do it yet. To be continued.
Exercise 91 will go here, too.
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/deep-questions/#set-1-questions
Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
I like your commitment to lifelong learning; i.e. the Big Five Personality's trait of openness to experience. Commitment to your profession, and working with young adults, ensures that you grow and update your fund of knowledge.
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
When I hear about the troubles of my contemporaries, I sometimes stop and feel blessed for the things that did not come true, resulting in a disabled child, a debilitating health condition, a divorce, and a misjudgment leading to firing. I am grateful for the discernment to avoid quagmires and to acknowledge cause and effect. Our workplace is still shaking from a terrible oversight: a patient with significant coronary disease with a left anterior descending artery stent restenosed, required an emergent coronary bypass, and a prolonged stay in the unit on vasopressors all because the nurse let the cangrelor infusion run dry for eight hours overnight. I was not there, but I heard about the STEMI and the stunning revelation that the infusion was dry and turned off, all night, when the team came to assess his chest pain.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK594269/#:~:text=Cangrelor%2C%20a%20novel%20nonthienopyridine%20adenosine,the%20risk%20of%20thrombotic%20events.
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
I would like to have more confidence; yet, again, a healthy skepticism of myself and all things keeps me honest. I have to arrive at that point where there are no questions to the answers; unfortunately, that is not a static situation. I have to keep renewing my beliefs every day.
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I have been told that I have a soprano voice. I recall a school play that was a thinly veiled evaluation of the students's vocal promise and immediate referral for the instructor's private lessons. I declined.
My mother has a confident singing voice, and she would sing and play the piano often between explosions in our household. I was upset that she never acknowledged how awful her spouse was; and why we were put through screaming about domestic order or ineptness of the children, weekly... like a valve release. I have negative connotations to singing as a form of oblivion, at times.
Singing is also the most honest way to communicate. You cannot fake it. This is why prayers are sung. I sometimes sing in the car alone. I have logged another lifetime in listening to music and reading lyrics.
Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
Most cannot be honest about the unhappiness of childhood. One's adult self appraises the outright abuse of your situation, where your child self lumbers along oblivious. I was happiest playing alone, which worked for our situation because it meant that I did not require a lot of supervision. I had a strong drive to learn in my childhood, and the availability of the large library, the large music collection, and the willingness to be taken to educational activities encouraged this growth. My parents embraced the computer, computer games and the internet early as a means to occupy us.
https://thefuntimesguide.com/pbs-kids-shows/
https://ejunkieblog.com/2023/01/05/knowledge-is-power-the-history-of-schoolhouse-rock/
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
I have an ambivalent relationship with my mother, but I would be shocked with a delayed reaction if my mother died unexpectedly. One understands one's mortality then.
To be continued.
https://www.criterion.com/current/posts/527-cra-cuervos-the-past-is-not-past
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtfE0lEb_Ew
For skills day, I demonstrated the epidural analgesic pump with nursing considerations for cardiovascular surgery today.
I printed this and communicated the updates.
https://www.netce.com/coursecontent.php?courseid=2761&productId=12644&scrollTo=BEGIN
https://www.paracay.com/national-wildlife-federation-field-guide-to-wildflowers-of-north-america/
https://virginiawildflowers.org/2015/03/08/the-trout-lily/
*whom
Keith always acts up near his birthday in July. To a narcissist, a birthday is a reminder of not being a teenager any longer. We agreed when he was not acting this way that the best thing he could give his son and daughter is an intact home. We disagree ideologically on church, but he was taking them with their cousins. What difference does it make if it seems like faking? The obverse is no moral instruction at all, while he sleeps off Saturday night's buzz into Sunday evening?
Keith said he wouldn't see her anymore. I reminded him that the cocoon of this house and his family can go away, and all lives would be affected.
I would like them all to abandon idolatry, but I understand that the impulse to do so comes from within, and that any moral instruction is better than none.
I will answer these tonight.
https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-questions-happy-couples-constantly-asking-one-another/
I will answer the questions. Not yet.
https://www.bloomsbury.com/uk/want-9781526657893/
https://youtu.be/mS3bfCt0K88?si=EAYUL6PAiUGt0Qe2
"Of your friends and family, who do you think has the best relationship and why?"
My maternal grandparents would get up at 5 a.m. every morning even into retirement to drink coffee, read the paper, and talk. I was impressed that even into their advanced age (>90s), they practiced early mornings before events of the day can intervene, and throw things off course. They exemplified a functional couple, for me.
If you are a night owl or an early bird, I aspire to showing up for that time. It could be early or late evening walk.
The temptation to sift through the unattributed fantasy of anonymous fantasies for Gillian Anderson's is not taken.
I am overworked and exhausted from this week. I have an lvad with rectal cancer with blood pouring out faster than we transfuse it, and I am having my cycle. Ugh.
I will get back to you. No social media Friday and Saturday.
She is still here with blood and narcotics in the offerings. I do not begrudge her anything because I know that if I was in the same situation, with my children visiting me, I would not choose death, which is what palliative care is for her, and the conscious unplugging. It was fortunate this week that someone traded with me, and my issue resolved.
For a day, it was like cleaning a bloody purge all day. I try to forget this aspect of my existence until I am at work, and changing tampons every three hours
The Haftarah, Tehillim 22 and Parashat Haazinu (Listen) are the poems culminating this week.
I did not cry reading Neilah because I was reading in translation, standing, and weak from fasting.
I pause today for two overriding considerations: I had wanted to record for you that I do think of you always. I will call my mother and the rest to check if they want me to buy or make dinner this evening.
https://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/563275/jewish/Aliyah-Summary.htm
https://books.google.com/books?id=KjBdEAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=haazinu+%22yayin%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjimIWE3YmJAxVPMlkFHY3PFQQQ6AF6BAgOEAM#v=onepage&q&f=false
https://ohr.edu/9784#:~:text=The%20word%20yayin%20
Yayin or wine is from 32:33
Tal or dew was my original search query.
https://books.google.com/books?id=7Bg8CoRcI3AC&pg=PA206&dq=haazinu+%22tal%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiVkd6R3omJAxVCEFkFHUgVFYw4ChDoAXoECAMQAw#v=onepage&q=haazinu%20%22tal%22&f=false
https://www.chabad.org/parshah/torahreading.asp?aid=2495834&p=haftarah&jewish=Haazinu-Torah-Reading.htm
I have ten delayed items on my to do list this Monday, like getting my car serviced, and being in tow with Sharon and her to-do lists. Mondays we are both off, which us why showing up to my desk is undermined. I will bring a book.
I have to set up a new printer/scanner combo. I have to prep my plants for inside since it was 48 last night, and lowering.
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