Sunday, November 23, 2008
What to Wear to See
Meeting in a restaurant
I am a starving, netted bird
a ball of struggling pinbones.
And this is our partsong,
(little legs secured in your
banded fingers) we are
fashioning as the service
intervenes. Where the table,
too high between our chests,
and the hot hand towels arrive
inexplicably after the course,
we alternate emptying the cache
boxes and caskets of our dreams.
Until: I am pressing you to me
leaning in these opaque tights
on these courts by which
everything is carried off.
I am a starving, netted bird
a ball of struggling pinbones.
And this is our partsong,
(little legs secured in your
banded fingers) we are
fashioning as the service
intervenes. Where the table,
too high between our chests,
and the hot hand towels arrive
inexplicably after the course,
we alternate emptying the cache
boxes and caskets of our dreams.
Until: I am pressing you to me
leaning in these opaque tights
on these courts by which
everything is carried off.
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10 comments:
This is a work in progress.
https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Bird_Way/VHInEAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=The%20Bird%20Way%20Ackerman%20raven%20tools&pg=PA152&printsec=frontcover
https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Blackburnian_Warbler/overview#
The courts. I have read this. Maybe the solution is to not be married?
https://www.huesmanjonesandmiles.com/2015/01/baltimore-divorce-lawyers-age-difference-between-spouses-impacts-likelihood-of-divorce/
https://www.psycom.net/relationships/age-difference-in-relationships
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-04-20/couple-with-a-larger-age-gap-happier/9680764
I am on the fence about cohabitation because that is not really being together, and then I see how many are damaged by the third-party arbitration of the courts. After five years, ten years, then have a party and formal recognition? This I know; and you know, since you have been watching: you know I took care of the woman I considered my mother, and who raised me. I cannot justify doing that for many people.
No wants to think about it, but I would take care of you if you were sick. It would not be just to get your assets. That is the best insurance policy. You can say that I am uniquely qualified in keeping people alive. When you want to retire, whenever that is, you can do your volunteering or part time job, and I will assume the expenses.
If we have one household, I could make a spreadsheet with the percent I will pay. That way, you do not feel cheated. I have more or less managed two households for ten years this way.
I do not think social disapproval is a reason not to get married, even only symbolically at first, and the milestones will seem more natural.
On a spiritual level; yes, I want to get married. My mind and soul crave absolutes. There is something about "trying things on" or keeping the redemption slip...like the animal rescued from a hellish depot; and if it does not pass its probationary period, back it goes to the pound, and to be put to sleep.
On a side note, I only once picked up a pet from the animal shelter.
In 2021, I had this premonition to get a male companion for the two elderly lady cats, one of which is Lulu/Bebe. I saw him online, and then when we arrived to pick him up, his handlers told me that he had been returned twice: once, for abdominal cryptorchidism and resurgery, and twice for not being "child friendly" with a family. He is completely black, Wee Willie, who is now, Big Willie, and he told me that he was very hurt about being unwanted, and he hides in one of the larger dollhouses when upset. One can open the front door, and gently coax him to appear.
This is from last year, and it looked interesting wrapped in ice-blue LEDs in the corner at night.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1iC5aiOgdEGJhd7CafQFbBdIm3Zuzw9sz/view?usp=drivesdk
If I recall, the bird pictured is a magnolia warbler. A favorite warbler is the yellow swamp canary of the bayous.
I understand the convincing evidence for and against the decision, so I hope for the humility and fortitude to know the best answer. TBA.
Did we get here from the reference to Cline's Ready Player One (2011)? There are many references to the 1980s in the text, allegedly, and when I vacation with my family I feel in part trapped in that time period.
I have many references to the 1960s, 1970s, and so on that time stamp our imagination.
Were you thinking that my overoptimism in this song does not bode well for cohabitation? The transient discoveries in media do not compromise the years and projects working up to this point?
https://youtu.be/4zSHu-fY-yM?si=Obi-2uqC4PgK5ZLV
Always remember, do not administer vasopressors when systemic vascular resistance (SVR) is high.
https://www.nursingcenter.com/ncblog/may-2017/systemic-vascular-resistance-and-pulmonary-vascula#:~:text=SVR%20is%20calculated%20by%20subtracting,%2Fseconds%2Fcm%2D5.
https://emcrit.org/ibcc/pressors/
Just to tell you: when I wrote this about being sated with different courses (the courts carrying off references my parent's divorce, then her divorce), I was a very different person at 24 years old. I also hold a ringside seat to dysfunction in relationships and life and death, sometimes, due to my work. I am not an entitled office girl requiring the impossible.
Since then, there has not been a person that I have wanted to marry besides you. You may react to that how you will, but this is the truth.
Test today.
I found another Beatrix Potter book to augment the collection (rescuing it) on the shelf below the Luzzatto text.
It didn't work out that she had her own children, but generations still moon over her books. I like the mouse mother holding up one of her children to the doll policeman, today:
https://www.storyberries.com/the-tale-of-two-bad-mice/
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