The Curse of Malinche, the Aztec woman who loved and translated the route of Cortéz...and damned her people to extinction. Isabel Allende's book discusses the ongoing conversation in novel form about the continued extraction and exploitation of Latin American countries by the West in the form of trade agreements, tourism...
The Spanish surnames and conferred identity can be expressed in a metaphor of conquest closer to America's heart: every transported African slave has lost his or her indigenous identity forever with the last name of an owner...a "White" or "Williams"
Del mar los vieron llegar
mis hermanos emplumados
Eran los hombres barbados
de la profecía esperada
Se oyó la voz del monarca
de que el dios había llegado.
Y les abrimos la puerta
por temor a lo ignorado.
Iban montados en bestias
como demonios del mal
Iban con fuego en las manos
y cubiertos de metal.
Sólo el valor de unos cuantos
les opuso resistencia
Y al mirar correr la sangre
se llenaron de verguenza.
Porque los dioses ni comen
ni gozan con lo robado
Y cuando nos dimos cuenta
ya todo estaba acabado.
Y en ese error entregamos
la grandeza del pasado
Y en ese error nos quedamos
trescientos años esclavos.
Se nos quedó el maleficio
de brindar al extranjero
Nuestra fe, nuestra cultura,
nuestro pan, nuestro dinero.
Y les seguimos cambiando
oro por cuentas de vidrio
Y damos nuestras riquezas
por sus espejos con brillo.
Hoy, en pleno siglo veinte
nos siguen llegando rubios
Y les abrimos la casa
y les llamamos amigos.
Pero si llega cansado
un indio de andar la sierra
Lo humillamos y lo vemos
como extraño por su tierra.
Tu, hipócrita que te muestras
humilde ante el extranjero
Pero te vuelves soberbio
con tus hermanos del pueblo.
Oh, maldición de Malinche,
enfermedad del presente
¿Cuándo dejarás mi tierra..?
¿cuándo harás libre a mi gente?
Amparo is my favorite Spanish name, which can be used as a noun, for "protection."
Saturday, June 20, 2009
La Maldición de Malinche - Amparo Ochoa
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162 comments:
http://www.artistdirect.com/nad/music/artist/card/0,,582073,00.html
I find the meeting of the Aztecs, and later others, and Spanish a curious interchange after all, since the feathered serpent, Quetzalcoatl, armored in blue, was predicted as the savior and destroyer of all concerned. And so it was. One joke of archeologists, amateur and otherwise, is that all of the encased fragments of the True Cross in Europe, in gold reliquaries fit for veneration, are manufactured with Mesoamerican gold.
The only reality, in hindsight, is one continuous Curse. Someone, in obscurity and to who no one listens, speaks of the Curse...the loudest. But it doesn't matter in an explicit poverty of choice, real or perceived.
From the sea they saw the arrival
my plumed brothers
They were the barbarians
the prophesy expected
I heard the voice of the king
that God arrived.
And we opened the door
in fear of ignoring it.
They went mounted on beasts
like evil angels
They went with fire in hand
and covered in metal.
Only a brave few
put up a fight
And looked upon the course
of blood[lines] filled with shame.
But the Gods do not eat
nor enjoy what they have stolen
And when they told us the story
it was already finished.
And in that error we deliver
the greatness of the past
And in that error we remain
three-hundred years enslaved.
And the curse remains with us
to offer to the foreigner
Our faith, our culture,
Our bread, our wealth.
And we continue exchanging
our gold by accounts of glass
And we give our wealth
by these mirrors shine.
Today, in full, the twentieth century
They continue to arrive, blondes
And we open our house to them
and call them friends.
But if he arrives exhausted
an indian from crossing the mountain
We humiliate him and call him
a foreigner in his own country.
You, the hypocrisy you show,
humility before the foreigner
But returning proud with your
brothers from the village.
Oh, curse of Malinche,
illness of the present
When will you leave my land?
When will you free my people?
-This transliteration is far from perfect since words like "ghost" and "mirror" are the same, "espejo"...so some of the meaning is lost.
The extinction to which I refer is the prioritization of
Daemon, demon, demonio is simply a wayfaring spirit one accepts into one's house, when such a common belief existed.
demonios de mal = evil angels
http://www.criticasmagazine.com/article/CA6305733.html
http://bestsellers.about.com/od/newupcomingreleases/ig/November-2006-Book-Releases/Ines-of-My-Soul.htm
I do not want to go about this Star card, symbol of hope, with revived curses. I will strive to avoid the etymological connotations of sphingosine, which is modified into diverse cell membrane proteins.
Whether I have the right to vocalize from a dissident position is irrelevant. The unconscious rift where the images egress does not make that distinction either.
Yes, Malinche = Marina. Mare and imprimatura.
This painting is Kahloesque, using imprimatura?
http://chnm.gmu.edu/wwh/modules/lesson6/lesson6.php?s=7
What an aspiration, to be "la lengua de Cortés" that is now come to be the translator of a shared mind.
http://www.azteccalendar.com/?day=10&month=12&year=1984
I am frustrated sometimes by the overcomplicated means of accessing the creative source where we meet, but whatever produces hesitation, the initial reaction of self-undoing, must be very central to the work. I am most transformed by surmounting this material, in these moments.
http://books.google.com/books?id=N_X2UTsMo1wC&pg=PA27&lpg=PA26&focus=viewport&dq=%22with+a+double+entrance+(enantioseme)%22&output=html_text
http://www.e-corpus.org/notices/102464/gallery/
http://books.google.com/books?id=fYW0NytugoEC&pg=PA182&dq=Tadeusz+R%C3%B3%C5%BCewicz+%22in+green+ink+/+I+can%27t+throw+love+/+in+the+trash%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=n0loU5L6DMv_oQTJoYDgDA&ved=0CC0Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=Tadeusz%20R%C3%B3%C5%BCewicz%20%22in%20green%20ink%20%2F%20I%20can%27t%20throw%20love%20%2F%20in%20the%20trash%22&f=false
Loeries, lories; yes, but I am often unaware of replicating images until you remind me, for which I reiterate, in no small way, your participation in creation.
I know, I overemphasize what is for some the grimoire of reproduction, but it is only because I am searching for the least complicated, conflict-ridden course of what I sensed at the beginning, would make us happy. It is difficult; some measure of conferring the possibility happiness outside of one's self.
http://books.google.com/books?id=GVKtY6ktiiMC&pg=PA19&dq=%22the+vision+of+eternal+return+as+a+thought+that+invades+his+consciousness+without+his+invitation%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=20B4U-zKEIHpoASwtIHgBA&ved=0CC0Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=%22the%20vision%20of%20eternal%20return%20as%20a%20thought%20that%20invades%20his%20consciousness%20without%20his%20invitation%22&f=false
http://discovermagazine.com/2012/jul-aug/06-humans-with-super-human-vision
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/how-well-do-you-see-color-173018
*For the test, take at least 20 minutes; the difference in a cursory scan and a careful consideration was 20 points. Colors, for all of us, and not just tetrachromatics, are presorted from chemical dyestuffs to induce a predicted reaction.
Some Marinas are outfitted with locks to maintain the moorings otherwise dictated by the tides.
http://books.google.com/books?id=mUTCZOGKFL4C&pg=PA76&dq=hart+crane+voyages+iii&hl=en&sa=X&ei=E_3sU465Ofi-sQTMtoJQ&ved=0CCsQ6AEwAw
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/241486
"The only reality, in hindsight, is one continuous Curse. Someone, in obscurity and to who no one listens, speaks of the Curse...the loudest. But it doesn't matter in an explicit poverty of choice, real or perceived."
I had wanted to erase this.
I finally understood; thank you for your patience.
"Bet is lashon berachah, 'the language of blessing,' and Aleph is lashon arirah, 'the language of curses.' The Almighty refused to begin the Bible with a letter that speaks the language of curses and chose a letter that speaks the language of blessing to introduce His teachings to man.
The Aleph being numerically one is symbolic of the philosophy of Me First, of self-centeredness and selfishness. That the root of arur--of all the curses that have afflicted humanity throughout the ages. Bet, on the other hand, is numerically two. The second letter of the Hebrew alphabet addresses itself to the individual and pleads that others besides him matter a great deal. This attitude calls for sympathy, cooperation and compassion. It is, therefore, the symbol of baruch, and, if followed diligently, ushers in an era of blessedness in personal as well as communal relationships."
http://www.jr.co.il/books/rberzon/styr002.htm
Natural, blacklight paint index, or almost:
http://www.atlasobscura.com/places/fly-ranch-geyser
http://mag.audubon.org/multimedia/tokyo-parrots-gallery
With reference to the house of two or more; it is rare that I do not think how to deploy things to create the life I want with you.
I seem to recall that you like this blue. Let us hope that we are not restricted to the Canary Islands.
http://www.oiseaux-birds.com/card-blue-chaffinch.html
http://lowres-picturecabinet.com.s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/39/main/7/375408.jpgz
Yes, October.
"As the mud cleared away from the face of the first tile, patches of ruby-red lustre, with the rich glow of a jewel's heart, appeared inch by inch, then the outlines of a delicate grotesque silver bird, [turquoise firing to silvery gray, in some batches] standing on one leg in a circle of blue-black leaves and berries, its beak of burnished copper.
'Is it beautiful?'
'Yes.'
'And the dragon?'
The sinuous tail of a dragon, also in gold and jewel colours, wreathed itself like a border round the edge of the other tile.
The reverse of both tiles was damaged, and on only one of them the letters NDS END could just be made out, but Martha could not be mistaken."
Penelope Fitzgerald's Offshore
I wish I could work faster, but I will start beginning to execute things with more practice.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3DfyJRIT4jyMDJORmY2a0RLUHM/view?usp=sharing
*towline, which is shortened for space.
"What does the ideal room look like? Is there music? Is there silence? Is there chaos outside or is there serenity outside? What do I need in order to release my imagination?"
http://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/1888/the-art-of-fiction-no-134-toni-morrison
https://books.google.com/books?id=460MT7ZsfFcC&q=John+Fowles+The+Collector+%22You+know+the+Ashmolean+Uccello?+The+Hunt?+No?+The+design+hits+you+the+moment+you+see+it.%22&dq=John+Fowles+The+Collector+%22You+know+the+Ashmolean+Uccello?+The+Hunt?+No?+The+design+hits+you+the+moment+you+see+it.%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=xKgRVe2kB8rioASv3YCoCA&ved=0CB0Q6AEwAA
Yes. I read this in 2008, and I thought of you, but I hesitate in admitting what diminishes what we can create together. I know you rightfully receive admiration, which is part of initiating hearts and minds into growth.
http://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/jonathanjonesblog/2008/sep/17/best.painting.hunters.night.forest.uccello
Exercise 39.
I neglected to post the completed Exercise, on March 29th.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3DfyJRIT4jyQmNuMVNsVHY5TTg/view?usp=sharing
For Exercise 40, this will be a synthesis of Card X., which it took to stand in its stead. I am thinking of the black and white details of vault, and the wind which blows the branches and someone's hair, and evolves into a column.
http://www.arte.it/opera/diluvio-universale-e-recessione-delle-acque-2045
http://moblog.net/media/v/i/v/viv/trajans-column-1.jpg
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3DfyJRIT4jyQkt1NHNBU09PR3M/view?usp=sharing
I misnumbered:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3DfyJRIT4jyaDdBMV95ZzdyS2M/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3DfyJRIT4jyMTVrZzFqS0hVUFU/view?usp=sharing
Yes, this is you, and I should not be surprised by your discernment.
https://books.google.com/books?id=ZsQg01lz6DUC&lpg=PA342&dq=Itzcuintli%20constellation%20Procyon&pg=PA342#v=onepage&q=Itzcuintli%20constellation%20Procyon&f=false
A few things to remember:
http://www.fayobserver.com/sports/columns/hal-broadfoot-spring-migration-offers-rare-glimpse-of-red-breasted/article_9cdec092-d646-51b0-955f-d3bcc86f5504.html
http://www.davidleventi.com/
http://www.smb.museum/en/exhibitions/detail/newton-horvat-brodziak.html
Yes, you are right that I regress here, to a photographer of Warhol (what strange signposts), and the recurrent lesson of aleph over-erudition. I was quite fascinated by the juxtaposition of the Belvedere's 2014 installation of Der Küss (1908) and Kiss (1963-4).
In all honesty, I have never found Klimt sensuous; if one posits that the message is thrown off by his nudes. Most of the subjects's eyes are closed because it is impossible to feel that deeply with the customary interrogation. To my mind, he pays the most careful attention to the hands and the face, with the decoration spanning the rest of it. I frequently miss what it is between because I love the face and the hands, as I would want to be loved, by synecdoche.
In the best way, I am trying to get your voice back into my mouth, and vice-versa, hence Prassinos:
https://books.google.com/books?id=3wVAi1r8nVcC&lpg=PA30&ots=cmlS7-88TM&dq=Prassinos%20voice%20daughter&pg=PA30#v=onepage&q=Prassinos%20voice%20daughter&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=ovbhCaXyl-kC&lpg=PA329&dq=letter%20iod%20ten%20one&pg=PA330#v=onepage&q=letter%20iod%20ten%20one&f=false
July 16, 2015 at 5:22 PM Delete
"In Greek (aisthesis) as in German (Gefühl), the same term designates both touch and sensitivity, as though to insist that touch—understood as the generic for all senses—transcends the senses; it founds them and exceeds them. That is why touch is not confined to any particular organ; it is not exclusive to the skin, or the mouth, or the hand, or the flesh." —Julia Kristeva's Teresa, My Love, Chapter 7 The Imaginary of an Unfindable Sense Curled into a God Findable in Me
https://books.google.com/books?id=FJM4NhhHKNcC&lpg=PA35&dq=Aristotle%20punctum%20saliens&pg=PA35#v=onepage&q=Aristotle%20punctum%20saliens&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=35Q7NK2EMB4C&lpg=PA153&dq=%22Christ%20in%20the%20house%20of%20Martha%20and%20Mary%22&pg=PA153#v=onepage&q=%22Christ%20in%20the%20house%20of%20Martha%20and%20Mary%22&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=bDLZl-Kjj_8C&lpg=PA283&dq=hebrew%20letter%20touch&pg=PA283#v=onepage&q=hebrew%20letter%20touch&f=false
My pineapple sage is at last in flower. It really does taste like pineapple. Whenever a hummingbird visits, I sense the presence of the divine. For a future exploration:
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378874110003193
http://www.rubythroat.org/SagePineappleMain.html
https://books.google.com/books?id=xr7wES9T-ksC&lpg=PA277&dq=Huitzilopochtli%20Coatlicue&pg=PA277#v=onepage&q=Huitzilopochtli%20Coatlicue&f=false
I was not aware of the resemblance between hotel designations, or "sisters", and Huitzilopochtli and Coyolxauhqui. I have to remedy the wanton headlong drive into making the media fit, so I will begin at Seville.
Had I not made several wrong turns, I would not have realized (as you were pointing out, possibly the entire time) the meanings of the seventh letter, formed here, and being a sword, cutting closest to the heart:
http://www.mfa.org/collections/object/the-creation-of-eve-illustration-to-miltons-paradise-lost-156664
http://www.wikiart.org/nl/tag/dante-alighieri-the-divine-comedy#supersized-search-192871
In retail hell today, I met a member of my soul family, an older lady who taught me science. She had my half brother also, and I explained then that he would have done anything for attention, like writing "kike" on a passed note in class. Kikul, or circle, like Kekulé's ouroboros, was written in place of name.
Anyhow, I more or less acknowledged that despite being directed this way, a person who would not marry and produce children for this purpose had less utility for the investment of lessons for entry, in even a reformed sect. It was a nice reunion.
To be digested in time:
http://jacobboehmeonline.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/docs/Threefold_Life_of_Man.87135343.pdf
https://books.google.com/books?id=bDLZl-Kjj_8C&lpg=PA125&dq=%22The%20form%20of%20the%20chet%20is%20the%20product%20of%20the%20two%20letters%20preceding%20it%3A%20a%20vav%20on%20the%20right%2C%20a%20zayin%20on%20the%20left%20with%20a%20thin%20bridge%20connecting%20them%20above.%20WORLDS%20The%20form%20of%20the%20letter%20chet%20resembles%20a%20gateway.%22&pg=PA125#v=onepage&q=%22The%20form%20of%20the%20chet%20is%20the%20product%20of%20the%20two%20letters%20preceding%20it:%20a%20vav%20on%20the%20right,%20a%20zayin%20on%20the%20left%20with%20a%20thin%20bridge%20connecting%20them%20ab
The inclusion of The Price of Salt (1951) with Rachel Carson's Under the Sea Wind (1941) and Calvino occurred to me after reading half of the novel that fit perfectly in my raincoat. It has been a long preliminary, but it will be determined. I am not taken so much with the Sapphic story as the potential to read frames of Edward Hopper there, and then images like cathedral kites, the taste of bone in warmed milk, and dreaming of red birds like flamingos beginning in December.
https://books.google.com/books?id=awR4kJrhQK0C&lpg=PA108&dq=Rachel%20Carson%20Under%20the%20Sea%20Wind%20%22cod%22&pg=PA108#v=onepage&q=Rachel%20Carson%20Under%20the%20Sea%20Wind%20%22cod%22&f=false
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/10/travel/10cultured.html?_r=1&
https://books.google.com/books?id=R7fQBQAAQBAJ&lpg=PA28&dq=The%20Price%20of%20Salt%20Carol%20%22C.O.D%22&pg=PA29#v=onepage&q=The%20Price%20of%20Salt%20Carol%20%22C.O.D%22&f=false
Yes, Exercise 58 goes here.
http://1drv.ms/1PTbG2G
Nice reverie in red and green. Exercise 59 will go here, with that scheme in mind.
http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/01/carols-misunderstood-coldness/424419/
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3DfyJRIT4jybG45QjZTR3N4Zk0/view?usp=sharing
"Instinct does not show preferences when it is mere instinct. It is not, by itself, an impulse toward any perfection.
The sexual instinct assures, perhaps, conservation of the species, but its perfection. On the other hand, genuine sexual love, that is, ardor for another being, is in itself primarily a gigantic force entrusted with improving the species. Instead of existing prior to its object, it is always born in response to a being who appears before us, and who, by virtue of some eminent quality which he possesses, stimulates the erotic process.
Scarcely does this begin, than the lover experiences a strange urgency to dissolve his own individuality in that of the other and, vice versa, to absorb the individuality of his beloved into his own. A mysterious longing! Whereas in every other situation in life nothing upsets us so much as to see the frontiers of our individual existence trespassed upon by another person, the rapture of love consists in feeling ourselves so metaphysically porous to another person that only in the fusion of both, only in an 'individuality of two,' can it find fulfillment. This view recalls the doctrine of the Saint-Simonians, according to which authentic individuality consists in the unity formed of man and woman. However, the longing for fusion does not end with simple, uncreative union. Love is not complete when it culminates in a more or less clear desire to leave, as testimony of the union[.]"
- "Love in Stendhal" from On love: Aspects of a Single Theme by José Ortega y Gasset translated from Estudios Sobre El Amor by Toby Talbot (1957)
https://www.thevintagenews.com/2016/06/29/43554-2/
http://www.tasteofcinema.com/2016/15-great-movies-that-use-architecture-brilliantly/
I still like the structures reclaimed by Mt. Parcutín, which I think will make an interesting contrast with the overgrowth. Dr. Atl's ideology, with the Stromboli cone was not what I meant to imply. The muralist movements are subjects for future inquiry.
I realized this morning that a lot of my unhappiness, and chest pain, derives my selfish, persecuted attitude. I have misinterpreted quite a lot, and sacrificed my love of analysis for the vigilant, catastrophizing mood of the people around me.
I want nothing more than to translate you, and for which I need to adopt a receptive, disciplined, and deferrent stance. Again.
http://masdemx.com/2015/12/la-distopica-y-hermosa-iglesia-sepultada-por-un-volcan-en-michoacan/
Yes, you are right to recall Exercise 33. Neelakantha.
I will put Exercise 80 here.
https://1drv.ms/i/s!AsA4BY25Ql_1jRiXXfRUA8m0YPUT
https://books.google.com/books?id=YN6aCwAAQBAJ&lpg=PT109&dq=The%20People%20and%20the%20Books%20%22the%20Zohar%20uses%20an%20erotic%20image%20to%20explain%20the%20relationship%22&pg=PT109#v=onepage&q=The%20People%20and%20the%20Books%20%22the%20Zohar%20uses%20an%20erotic%20image%20to%20explain%20the%20relationship%22&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=63Qnbt2CMiMC&lpg=PA98&dq=ayin%20letter&pg=PA99#v=onepage&q=ayin%20letter&f=false
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3DfyJRIT4jyazRBVTVuaGliR00/view?usp=sharing
I will put Exercise 83 here.
https://1drv.ms/i/s!AsA4BY25Ql_1jhxLurmfsKPJDVNF
https://youtu.be/MVAPn4jIG4E
I have been moved by this photo for some time.
It was terrible today, the spontaneous waterworks...tears dribbling down my face about the feelings of another hopeless case shipped from the unit with defibrillator pads three days into the length of stay.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/03/19/no-more-maybe?intcid=inline_amp
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTzW1ol5vkc
"Only one of the seven women with four cones behaved as if she actually perceived differences between the colour mixtures that were invisible to everyone apart from her sons. For any given pair of colour mixtures that she was asked to rate in terms of similarity, she gave the same number when asked on separate occasions. She clearly wasn’t just picking a random number every time, but seemed to actually see the colour differences. What makes her different from the other women with four cone types?"
https://theneurosphere.com/2015/12/17/the-mystery-of-tetrachromacy-if-12-of-women-have-four-cone-types-in-their-eyes-why-do-so-few-of-them-actually-see-more-colours/
http://www.playbuzz.com/tristramshandy10/if-you-get-10-10-on-this-twisted-test-you-probably-have-tetrachromatic-vision
https://onedrive.live.com/?authkey=%21AK-_Ln5sxFBg_30&cid=F55F42B98D0538C0&id=F55F42B98D0538C0%211868&parId=root&o=OneUp
The illusion of a bed, here. I finished it, which was good.
https://1drv.ms/b/s!AsA4BY25Ql_1jkyvvy5-bMRQYP99
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/09/03/treasures-from-the-color-archive
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/09/03/the-wind-cave
The palimpsest is so long that I do not know what you are referencing, now.
https://www.arte.tv/fr/videos/073903-000-A/otto-wagner-ou-l-art-nouveau-viennois/?fbclid=IwAR1N7_nk2SNRuKlwe5advrYg5aTINp6j9nHjnFBeyd-JBz-0jiOWNyzBZC4
http://www.geologyin.com/2015/11/how-ore-deposits-are-formed.html?fbclid=IwAR2tUJo-GppJCU4D2Gqa4tjiim2S8V96vCN5dEHuAR6RqCyHmGb4QprZf-g&m=1#7zzyy0dyhPaYdX7T.99
https://books.google.com/books?id=P9yDiLwxJQ4C&lpg=PT608&dq=A%20History%20of%20the%20World%20in%20100%20Objects%20double-headed%20serpent&pg=PT608#v=onepage&q=A%20History%20of%20the%20World%20in%20100%20Objects%20double-headed%20serpent&f=false
I was searching for Neil McGregor and Niall Ferguson, and remembering the texts, but not getting the authors quite right. Thank you, for call me to the completion of all of this.
calling* Neil MacGregor.*
https://books.google.com/books?id=w_0tDwAAQBAJ&lpg=PP1&dq=Neil%20Macgregor%20Living%20with%20the%20Gods&pg=PP1#v=onepage&q=Neil%20Macgregor%20Living%20with%20the%20Gods&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=QrgGdw6j2AcC&lpg=PA184&dq=Gratefulness%20George%20Herbert%20%22THou%20that%20hast%20giv%E2%80%99n%20so%20much%20to%20me%2C%20%2F%20Give%20one%20thing%20more%2C%20a%20gratefull%20heart.%22&pg=PA184#v=onepage&q=Gratefulness%20George%20Herbert%20%22THou%20that%20hast%20giv%E2%80%99n%20so%20much%20to%20me,%20/%20Give%20one%20thing%20more,%20a%20gratefull%20heart.%22&f=false
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9ujF9s48Z8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdjN4ddnl2E
Exercise 86 will go here.
This was a very satisfying book...and lecture.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjYrxcGSWX4
http://timharford.com/etc/50things/
Hornbeam hedges. Thank you, for reminding me about this dream of filling hedges with explicit things. To be revisited.
https://muzaart.ru/surrealist-paintings-rene-magritte/chorus-of-the-sphinx/
I am feeling threadbare disappointment in rotating the simple syrup up until the moment when the single hummingbird arrives to my kitchen window feeder, again, each year. It happened today. Moon in Cancer.
https://books.google.com/books?id=dL5vPfmQM5AC&lpg=PA189&dq=ruby-throated%20hummingbird%20navigation&pg=PA189#v=onepage&q=ruby-throated%20hummingbird%20navigation&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=IMmjAwAAQBAJ&lpg=PT240&dq=Eug%C3%A8ne%20Feuill%C3%A2tre&pg=PT240#v=onepage&q=Eug%C3%A8ne%20Feuill%C3%A2tre&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=UZmhDwAAQBAJ&lpg=PA118&dq=Berta%20Isla%20%22although%20it%20will%20mean%20a%20dark%2C%20confusing%20life%20together%2C%20plagued%20with%20silences%20and%20deceptions%20and%20absences%22&pg=PA118#v=onepage&q=Berta%20Isla%20%22although%20it%20will%20mean%20a%20dark,%20confusing%20life%20together,%20plagued%20with%20silences%20and%20deceptions%20and%20absences%22&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=cQfTC1UaHAkC&lpg=PA270&dq=%22And%20what%20the%20dead%20have%20no%20speech%20for%2C%20when%20living%22&pg=PA270#v=onepage&q=%22And%20what%20the%20dead%20have%20no%20speech%20for,%20when%20living%22&f=false
I react to things disproportionately, and become sidelined. More so; now, when the patient acuity on our unit is high, coupled with understaffing and overworked hospitalists. All of this results in delayed treatment and missed treatment with adverse outcomes...like the post-hip re-surgery managed by a moron all weekend, and the resulting ileus keyed in by a distended abdomen, frank blood emesis and a wailing wife... The ischemic stroke from holding all anticoagulants after a pacemaker insertion, because a patient maintained long-term on tegretol should not have resumed rivaroxaban, or warfarin (hx of PE, DVT). The INR was not checked, for days, either. The pharmacist for cardiology was made aware. This situation was made worse, when I left; and the patient applauded my oversight, only to stroke out the next day when I was off.
What else did we learn? We learned that post-op bowel hygiene and early mobility is important, but hypoactive bowel sounds, intolerance of a diet, hiccups without the presence of normal bowel function necessitates a KUB x-ray. I would put it in myself, and justify the decision later...It would be hard to work somewhere, where I could not order labs and imaging on a dime, and have the results in less than an hour.*
I am putting these here, so that I will remember what happened.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4288089/
https://www.pharmacytimes.com/publications/issue/2008/2008-02/2008-02-8414
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24382036
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24382036
Now, back to work on the Exercise. I am off six days. I will make it happen.
In the Sunday expedition to the value Mart for pet supplies I saw a weepy contemporary from CSICU with her two children. They were undernourished and pale, but well-behaved. It made realize that the heartrending responsibilities are compound Ed later, in that frame, which is why the institutional programs are again conceived with gratitude and relief.
compounded*
https://cen.acs.org/biological-chemistry/neuroscience/protein-brain-link-smoking-diabetes/97/i41?utm_source=Nature+Briefing&utm_campaign=f70f35a7cc-briefing-dy-20191018&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c9dfd39373-f70f35a7cc-43000367
https://www.neuroscientificallychallenged.com/blog/what-is-the-habenula
https://drive.google.com/file/d/18qZT03Rom6sy4Q7ora4WC3QlLEgbjcll/view?usp=sharing
https://www.virginiaherpetologicalsociety.com/reptiles/snakes/northern-ring-necked-snake/northern_ring-necked_snake.php
I will work on the delayed Exercise, too.
https://vimeo.com/219970733?ref=fb-share&fbclid=IwAR2UJWrMROfzv5aGWtrX3xrCmaK2YbINjQnNM1Ei0Zz33IV50p_kd66wuwE
https://earthsky.org/tonight/moon-highlights-winter-circle?fbclid=IwAR0lD2973QA-Yp5jzLw6fZ-cGTIobfMTetJLUsm6nh0EnT_WjHOpFwTVyIc
I will put Exercise 87 here.
https://www.plantes-et-sante.fr/articles/plantes-medicinales/2121-feuilles-de-cassis-une-alternative-aux-corticoides?fbclid=IwAR22UBE9aCOpMXUKfORyfem_gnL07rmzsWRAi2xToFOszUrthvjKh5gxyN8
https://1drv.ms/u/s!AsA4BY25Ql_1lVzO3vOFdrlnzI4J
I came home Monday night, and I was dehydrated. I awoke Tuesday, and exercised midday, among other things. I have had a kidney stone from hiking in August a decade ago, so I am berating myself for not drinking and imperiling my health with this familiar flank pain. I originally thought I had the flu with the body aches and chills, but it likely progressing to pyelonephritis.
September was a terrible month to call in to work, given that my eval is in a week. I will likely get a letter in my file for absences, which is removed in a year, if I do not reoffend. Whatever the case, and whether I stay or I go to another job, I will keep in my mind that my knowledge and experience requires that I be a mentor, which U am called on to be quite a lot.
I am lying very still and trying to flush it out with oral fluids. I am reading Long Tusk (1999), now. I finished Silver hair (1999), and the dozing and interpolation of my favorite animal as a child in my life with you very surreal. As a plausible story, the trilogy is deft with the biology and understanding of the tundra clans as they become the spark of the auroras and Sky Steppe. The point of each of the vanishing species is that one always survived.
I remember having a realization when I was sicker than this, which my discontentment exacerbated and prolonged. I am much clearer now. I will likely finish the trilogy by tomorrow.
https://paleontologyworld.com/exploring-prehistoric-life-paleontologists-curiosities/lyuba-woolly-mammoth-calf-who-died-41800
I remember reading this issue several times:
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2009/05/mammoths/
http://www.infinityplus.co.uk/nonfiction/mammoth1.htm
https://www.curledup.com/mammoth.htm
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/see-through-hair-and-awkward-sexual-problems-the-woolly-mammoth-rsquo-s-bitter-end/
The mammoth series provided a much needed mental break with the technicolor aurorae, saxifrage and nunataks. I would like to do a series of Exercises about them.
https://www.arcticphotoshop.com/places/qaanaaq/purple-saxifrage-first-plant-flower-1602259.html
Is your mother's birthday today? We share a wealth of maternal wisdom to impart. In my case, there is rarely an instance when my mother's judgment about a patient presentation has been ill-informed. We have discussed things since I was a small child and wondered where she went off to at night.
I am feeling better. I have to finish things for work. My schedule in September is comprised less of long stretches, so I am less apt to be run down. I will put Exercise 88 here.
https://interlocutorinterviews.com/new-blog/2019/10/28/interview-david-ligare
https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2020/09/survive-frigid-nights-hummingbirds-cool-themselves-record-low-temperatures
https://www.magnumphotos.com/arts-culture/nature/by-the-light-of-the-moon/?fbclid=IwAR2W73uqLosMA0qS_nzFoVBjk6wmOqjSDs_Ut1ZXmnd28TzShUpKPdh83Sk
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-mexico-mammoths/mexican-airport-site-emerges-as-major-graveyard-of-ice-age-mammoths-idUSKBN2602Z8
https://mbio.asm.org/content/10/3/e00561-19
"Among such protective adaptations against UVA photodamage, one must count the synthesis of the indole-phenol alkaloid scytonemin, which many cyanobacteria synthesize, excrete, and accumulate in their extracellular sheaths, where it serves as a sunscreen to protect themselves from UVA-mediated photodamage (16). Using sunscreens, however, is a costly photoprotective strategy for microbes, since it requires very large accumulations of pigment to make up for the very short optical path-lengths inherent to microbial cells (17). Sunscreens, by definition, are passive photoprotective mechanisms that require no metabolic activity beyond their initial synthesis. Therefore, microbial sunscreens like scytonemin become of particular fitness value when active photodamage repair mechanisms are impaired or suppressed due to slow metabolic activity or quiescence (18, 19). The distribution of scytonemin producers in nature is consistent with this notion, as they are restricted to habitats where only pulsed growth episodes are possible (terrestrial surfaces, the upper intertidal area, or alpine areas) and no scytonemin producers are found in oceanic or freshwater plankton (14). Scytonemin also undergoes facile reduction even under mildly reducing conditions, losing much of its UV-absorbing capacity and interfering with photosynthetically active radiation (16), no longer providing the photoprotection of the oxidized form. In summary, the evolution of scytonemin makes sense under conditions in which quiescent cyanobacteria were exposed to UVA and oxygen concurrently. In order to maintain oxygenation and photoprotection during periods of organismal quiescence, the oxygenation of the environment must be preserved even when the organisms are not active, so it cannot rely solely on oxygen released by photosynthesis. Yet, since oxygenic photosynthesis is halted while the organisms are inactive, photoprotection provided by scytonemin would only have had a fitness value after the GOE itself. Scytonemin’s advent must thus postdate the GOE."
I placed this here, scytonemin, for an aside on Vermilion Sands. Sometime.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Call_the_Midwife
Since it was streaming, I finally sat down to watch this while piecing several long-deferred Janet Fish paintings in jigsaw form. I am not sure when I will be back to my Exercises and reading, but it is a short interval, I think.
https://www.wikiart.org/en/janet-fish/all-works#!#filterName:all-paintings-chronologically,resultType:masonry
If I had to birth a baby, I could assist. I am surprised by how much I remember. Labor and delivery was not, and is not, my preference, but I would not be useless.
One could nitpick the technicalities, and I generally dismiss medical dramas, but the one narrated by Vanessa Redgrave is uncloying sweet.
*uncloyingly
https://books.google.com/books?id=G0PwVLB5QL0C&pg=PA205&dq=a+heart+so+white+%22suspicion%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjQv4Wmr-XsAhXkQd8KHf36BRIQ6AEwAHoECAIQAg#v=onepage&q=a%20heart%20so%20white%20%22suspicion%22&f=false
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41586-021-03224-9
Rather than contemplating the film's baggage, my first thought was that I love Christane's use of color, and the drama of renewal is the message; particularly, in that film, set at year's end. I always promised myself that I would buy the print. The subject matter is consistent with the Taurus North Node path. Christane is, incidentally, a Taurus.
The North Node transits out of Gemini into Taurus December 22, 2021.
https://books.google.com/books?id=OtUdyValINQC&pg=PA65&dq=%22to+work+with+Taurus+in+North+Node+in+the+7th+house&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi2__aoscDyAhUrFFkFHVJSD5gQ6AF6BAgKEAM
https://youtu.be/cUIRhGIbszw
Thank you, for reminding me. To be less like the hummingbird, and more like the mammoth, with a long memory, and even longer powers of endurance.
https://poets.org/poem/song-woolly-mammoth
Plastic models of mammoths and mastodons must have been in the collective consciousness of the mid-eighties because I remember quite well simulating a habitat in the backyard for them behind the quince bush. I loved to bite into the bitter apples, and the thorny enclosure with the limbs made me feel safe. My mother, who worked at night, feared I would be plucked out of the fenced backyard when she was sleeping during the day. Alternately, my younger sibling never followed any prohibitions or advice.
That was a strange house, with quince trees in the back and a persimmon tree out front.
https://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/everything-you-need-to-know-hunters-moon/
Lenormand 36. Cross and 29. Lady.
https://images.app.goo.gl/4dhBnSa9Lb3XNjYL6
I knew that I recognized the signatures of Clint Mansell in the trailer of Ben Wheatley's In the Earth (2021). The composer is most known for the often imitated and sampled "Lux Aeterna" from Requiem for a Dream (2000).
Eco-horror is not my genre. Space and time anomalies, at different atmospheres, please. Watching today, before I go back to finishing (!) continuing education, which is the reason I did not work this Friday.
https://books.google.com/books/about/Mushrooms_of_West_Virginia_and_the_Centr.html?id=5HGMPEiy4ykC#v=onepage&q=geastrum&f=false
Earthstars, one of my personal favorites, figure in the film.
Wow. Terrible, like a self-indulgent NSF grant going bad with cymatics and glosses of demonology. At the humidity, a foot wound, which is perversely manipulated by all, would be septic in 24 hours. I was so bored in the minutes of this trip that the only thing that came to mind was that I bet the cast is rotting in their underwear. It is harder to enjoy films, now.
https://academic.oup.com/cid/article/65/7/1167/4056313
https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Etymologicon.html?id=cy2MDQAAQBAJ#v=onepage&q=ciao%20I%20am%20your%20slave&f=false
https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Neutral.html?id=bzXe1lp_DWsC#v=onepage&q=ciao%20I%20am%20your%20slave&f=false
https://books.google.com/books/about/Politeness_in_Europe.html?id=8h6abwB15Q0C#v=onepage&q=sono%20vostro%20schiavo&f=false
Exercise 90.
To review, the cyanobacterial sheath pigment, scytonemin, is a signature of extremely irradiated environments where there is little atmosphere to shield from extreme temperatures and x-flares. Places like Mars or Titan receive less solar radiation, but they lack a protective magnetosphere. What I was trying for was a situation of injecting the atmosphere of each with a miscible, high density carrier fluid to suspend the scytomenized algae to block UV rays.
You looked nice in the livestream.
I was Coding a patient during commencement, which is the first time in a year, for me. What I thought was a straightforward chest tube insertion at the bedside with cumulative doses of procedural sedation on old kidneys devolved from naloxone administration into a full PEA arrest with trays of meds pulled out in the room, intraosseous IV drills, cardiac ultrasounds, anesthesia for an intubation, massive transfusion protocol with blood pouring out of the chest tube. The thought was that the 1500 mL out initially threw the patient into flash pulmonary edema and circulatory collapse. She was not perfed by the tube, which is good because my favorite physician walked around the room straightening it, quite distraught, when we prepared her for viewing with the family.
I do not like the adrenaline, but I was the most experienced in the room with the residents. I was surprised how much muscle memory I had retained
Many opportunities for overtime now. I gave my unread books from the Mars trilogy to a guy staying for prolonged vascular surgery and split thickness skin grafts. I will have to buy mine back. I am taking advantage of the absence of others to initiate more complex modalities.
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/series/ZMS/mars-trilogy
He is lke the rainman. Best to keep the mind preoccupied for an extended stay.
What I mean is there are opportunities for using complex instrumentation and monitoring on my unit because the unit beds are overflowing with traumatic brain injuries and ODs. Young people.
I set out to find Red Mars last evening, when I was let out on time, in the rain.
I got this, a long awaited read, in paperback:
https://books.google.com/books?id=WhH1DwAAQBAJ&pg=PT354&dq=The+Glitter+in+the+Green+Dunn+%22%22Marina%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjH5s6Arfj3AhVlg-AKHZyvCbgQ6AF6BAgMEAM#v=onepage&q=The%20Glitter%20in%20the%20Green%20Dunn%20%22%22Marina%22&f=false
https://www.poetrynook.com/poem/marina-0
The Puzzler and a reissue of Anna Kavan's Ice (1967) with an albino on the cover, which is not the novel at all. The annoying girl boss afterword of the troubled woman's life by Kate Zambreno is not good. I will; however, check out the Sarah Lawrence graduate nonfiction professor's text about Guibert, To Write As If Already Dead (2021).
When one's dreams have not materialized at the macrolevel, there is no use but to probe microscopically.
https://books.google.com/books?id=v4VmEAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=The+Puzzler+A.J.+Jacobs&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwio7cXitPj3AhWZj4kEHUj_A40Q6AF6BAgMEAM#v=onepage&q=The%20Puzzler%20A.J.%20Jacobs&f=false
https://bombmagazine.org/articles/zambreno-interview-to-write-as-if-already-dead/
I have several Gen Z subordinates who are so soft and self-pitying. I tell them routinely, there is no exit from the hassle, humiliation or loneliness that you feel. It is interminable in the background, meanwhile, you are doing things, and making an effort. The resort to laziness and mental illnesd are strategies to avoid these realities.
After finding the sale pended and the transfer assured, I have no other reason to ever visit that city again. The new life you find where you are going ensures that you will eventually stop looking here. That was the intention behind your move.
I have no reason to continue what I am doing, so I will change careers to become some else. This job is a means to an end, until then.
In 24 hours, my brother threatened to text my mother a picture of him hanging himself in rehab in Tampa, if she did not cough up the money. She turned off the phone.
This morning, my turtle ran away, and a cat's tail was found cut off in the door of my mother's house.
https://books.google.com/books?id=HLN7DwAAQBAJ&pg=PA243&dq=t.s.+eliot+%22Yet+the+garrulous+waves+of+life.%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwih17XTjeP4AhWqGFkFHRcUB7oQ6AF6BAgGEAM#v=onepage&q=t.s.%20eliot%20%22Yet%20the%20garrulous%20waves%20of%20life.%22&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=pJVJAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA187&dq=Spinoza+De+Intellectus+Emendatione+%22bondage%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiLy-LGqIH5AhXLNlkFHTXKAL4Q6AF6BAgIEAM#v=onepage&q=Spinoza%20De%20Intellectus%20Emendatione%20%22bondage%22&f=false
https://www.vice.com/en/article/vbw7x4/millennials-voluntary-celibacy-life-without-sex-feature
https://www.periodistadigital.com/cultura/arte-y-diseno/20150224/paseo-amor-paul-delvaux-noticia-689400485090/amp
https://neurosciencenews.com/love-magic-evolution-21054/
The cat was as surprised when the bare, nonennervated piece of tail fell off. The painless recognition that her beautiful tail was altered, but it could have been worse. She was seen by a vet, and given injectable pain medicine and antibiotic at the first assault, but we honored her wishes, and refused caudectomy and an Elizabethan collar.
My brother is back to his fugitive, cowardly life. We agreed it would be best to be Christmas card relatives. I take absolutely no interest in his journey of sobriety.
Delvaux's nudes are astonshed to find themselves nude and well-preserved, and nevertheless numbering the masses of lonely women without lovers or intimacy.
My thoughts about celibacy are: this does not apply to me, I do not trawl the apps looking for superficial connection. Love makes us grow, evolve, and the pleasure at looking back from ripened achievement is precious and rare. I will continue where I am, and I start my first class for another, or potentially a second, career today. The signs along the path are there, while the path diverges and deepens.
No, I have not quit my job. I will tolerate it to the end.
https://books.google.com/books/about/Cosmopsychology.html?id=Fb6MAAAAQBAJ#v=onepage&q=8th%20house%20moon%20accounting&f=false
*First insult
https://www.google.com/books/edition/Moon_Dance_the_Feminine_Dimensions_of_Ti/7epBPgKkm7IC?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=8th%20house%20moon%20accounting&pg=PA40&printsec=frontcover
I was sad this season that my hummingbird feeder was in vain. Not one hummingbird.
I looked outside to the small tree-height Tithonia rotundifolia, and there it was, a small female ruby-throated hummingbird, next to a Gulf Fritillary.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tithonia_rotundifolia
https://entnemdept.ufl.edu/creatures/bfly/gulf_fritillary.htm
https://gobookmart.com/8-essential-books-on-neuroscience/?amp
Exercise 91:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mjKmET90iFerFwIUbiI6F1uGJu_CIUql/view?usp=drivesdk
"Neurons in the lateral habenula encode negative reward prediction errors and provide dopamine neurons with reward-related signals by (indirectly) inhibiting them. Thus, the lateral habenula may have a role in reinforcement learning."
https://www.nature.com/articles/nrn2866
https://youtu.be/0QpTqYoEzto
https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/oslo-august-31-2012
Just as quickly, he is back out.
This should not be an issue. I will stay back where I am, working on my projects, and picking up some overtime. The latter may be counterproductive, to increase my earnings prior to tax time, but I am moderately focused on the number after so many years of that being the rate limiting factor.
I am on track to make more than I have ever made this year in the context of record inflation. I am grateful for this, and I remain humble for this transactional mirage of my time and labor.
Peoples's gambles about the future. Three more full-time staff members quit both the day and night shifts for other opportunities or part-time positions. The more unpleasant and necessary my job is, the more I make. I am surprised that so many are taking these risks before winter and an impending recession.
Just as I have come to accept that you, You, are reading this, I am completely unresolved by the perception that you are still located where you were. What does that signify?
The lack of smoke signals on either front is a recurring problem.
The turtle is burrowed in the next yard for the winter. The yard qualifies with its fence, which allays my fear that she would wander into the street.
I don't look for her, but I sometimes pine for her, and our routine, and her chattering. Prior to absconding, she was running all over the house, an Unruhe uncommon to her seasonal behavior. On the kitchen table one morning, she communicated that she would be going, and that she would miss me, too.
https://portal.ct.gov/DEEP/Wildlife/Fact-Sheets/Eastern-Box-Turtle#:~:text=Activity%20is%20restricted%20to%20mornings,usually%20less%20than%202%20acres).
Exercise 90.
"The Jupiter woman is an incurable idealist. And here’s a secret perhaps she never told you: She fell in love with you many years ago, when she was a little girl and wished on the new Moon for someone to share her honest heart. There were lots of times when she thought she had found you and was disappointed. But when you finally came along, she knew you right away, because you were a gentle clown with a dream or two of your own who took her hand and showed her the way to the stars."
Linda Goodman's Sun Signs (1968)
«Comme Au Jour Premier» par Dominique A 2018
Dans l’air immobile d’un été parfait
Tu avancerais te sentant porter
Par toutes les saisons qui t’ont précédé
Et toutes celles qui te succéderaient
Là tu entendrais un pas étranger
Ou un animal qui ferait craquer
Le bois, réveillant d’autres sons enfouis
Comme des signaux d’étoiles endormies
Dans l’empilement des temps éclatés
Un chemin de mûres entachant les doigts
Voûtes végétales qui ne flanchent pas
Tout t'envahirait comme au jour premier
Ton visage a pris des tours imprévus
Crevasses et ravines s'y sont incrustées
Mais les paysages que tu as connus
Comme les sensations sont inaltérés
Dans l’air immobile d’un été parfait
Tu avancerais te sentant comblé
Par toutes les saisons qui t’ont précédé
Et les autres qui te succéderaient
I had to find a deck to read on Sunday.
https://www.dragonspace.ca/products/prism-oracle?variant=39837798957154
My mother called me this morning to come over, to make sure Keith makes his primary care appointment, after shirking it for years, for lab work that included HCV and HIV tests.
I found a book of prints of the Jerusalem Windows, which I remember admiring as a child visiting family friend's office where the small maquettes were prominently displayed.
https://publicdelivery.org/chagall-jerusalem-windows/
We spent the afternoon walking in Old Southwest looking at architecture and the remnants of the glazed paving bricks in the park.
I do not know the results, and he is not motivated to call or check his chart online. It would not change the calculus with his children we rarely see now.
Viral negative. I; on the other hand, have the flu, which started last night. I am well resourced with remedies from the last
time, a year ago.
It is settled. They are moving in with my mother.
The momentum is gaining for my immature brother to find a house to contain his dependents and de facto mother-in-law, babysitter. He lives with his mother, but that can be his contribution. I see where this is a better resolution.
https://books.google.com/books?id=Jax_EAAAQBAJ&pg=PT69&dq=%22Too+Much+of+Life+%22I+love+you%27+was+a+splinter+that+could+not+be+removed+with+tweezers%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi4rrTou_79AhV7FlkFHXgeDwsQ6AF6BAgFEAM#v=onepage&q=%22Too%20Much%20of%20Life%20%22I%20love%20you'%20was%20a%20splinter%20that%20could%20not%20be%20removed%20with%20tweezers%22&f=false
Ha. Twice, I have gone to the same place, and hear this catchy earworm. I actually bought this album in 2008, and never listened to it.
https://youtu.be/RIZdjT1472Y
There is some unfinished business, despite suggestions about death. I am trying to find out what it is.
https://youtu.be/VTAXQYic9uU
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WNdow0ebKDY&pp=ygUNVMOhciBkYXVnaHRlcg%3D%3D
https://books.google.com/books?id=VftFEAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=challenge+vita+sackville+west&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjwn8eJjtj-AhXfkokEHQGBB_0Q6AF6BAgEEAM#v=onepage&q=challenge%20vita%20sackville%20west&f=false
Yesterday, my niece asked me why I have a paper bag of boxes of acorns in my car. I had them with intention to plant the rarer oak trees, since I recall two examples where I purposefully planted two acorns, and they have grown in ten years since my last check.
This morning, you and I were walking, and you handed me the unshucked receptacle of Carya illinoinensis, the pecan... that takes up to two decades before producing. It meant a lot to me, since it means that I have to tend it.
https://youtu.be/Tz7S0muAQfQ
I like the soundtrack as much as I like Thomas Bengalter's tracks for Irréversible (2002).
https://soundcloud.com/lecastlevania/blood-code
*Bangalter
Everyone has a new album (!)
https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/thomas-bangalter-mythologies/
My brother, mother, and I just realized this evening that she is delayed, and disastrously absolved of regulation by her mother. Trying to play a simple game, and model behavior, is a strain. This, is why we will have our hearts broken again; first, with Siena, and now, with her. There is some truth about the traditional family, and the family vetting the interloper in the system for questions of fit. The mother has simply forgotten to enroll her in a créche or home school pod, at our expense. It will be constant conflict. My mother unhelpfully concluded, "she cannot act this way...she cries now, or cries later."
This is why the Coetzee novel is important to me. Even if my parenting was inconsistent at first, and by turns abusive, there are worse examples of dereliction of responsibility.
Instead of being judgmental, I am going to help the situation. Playing on a rope wall at a playground reactivates underused muscles.
https://genomelink.io/trait_report/CBXLirCBh2/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31188284/
https://books.google.com/books?id=2VJNBAAAQBAJ&pg=PA81&dq=%22Er+ist+der+Vater+mit+seinem+Kind%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&ov2=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjLpI_D6v7-AhViDEQIHTZzAP8Q6AF6BAgFEAM#v=onepage&q=%22Er%20ist%20der%20Vater%20mit%20seinem%20Kind%22&f=false
I managed the emotional fortitude to view the last Fassbinder film (1982) before the director succumbed to his addiction months later. Marianne Katz and her nurse are lesbians, and they empty their wealthy clients of funds with their morphine addictions. Their patients collaborators in fugitive pains to the substance?
The opening of Die Sehnsucht der Veronika Voss is lovely, in the rain, and there is a comedic moment, such as during the police investigation at the clinic, with a Tennessee crooner playing on the wireless, Sixteen Tons (1946) before Johnny Cash covered it (1987). I like how it was filmed, from looking into windows. To be considered.
https://books.google.com/books?id=HKplDQAAQBAJ&pg=PA159&dq=veronika+voss+marianne+katz&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&ov2=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi7n_yBkP_-AhUXHkQIHYcsCNkQ6AF6BAgJEAM#v=onepage&q=veronika%20voss%20marianne%20katz&f=false
Composite Moon in the Ninth House
"If it's discovered that your philosophies differ or you find different ways of interpreting the greater meaning of life, it can be emotionally difficult to accept."
https://www.southfloridaastrologer.com/composite-moon-in-the-houses.html
https://books.google.com/books?id=GdyTEAAAQBAJ&pg=PA32&dq=tom%C3%A1s+nevinson+forgotten+and+remembered&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjGytOMju3_AhVtMlkFHb1pD_oQ6AF6BAgIEAM#v=onepage&q=tom%C3%A1s%20nevinson%20forgotten%20and%20remembered&f=false
https://www.criterion.com/films/32661-the-worst-person-in-the-world
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/2613870/jewish/Jewish-Soul-in-a-Non-Jewish-Body.htm
I do not speak in the past tense about unfulfilled relationships. You still reside rent free in my mind no matter how long it takes, and what form it takes, in my conversion.
Exercise 91.
The mitzvah is doing only something YOU can do, with one's own unique imprint, no matter long it takes.
Late entry, Exercise 90.
https://1drv.ms/i/s!AsA4BY25Ql_1mx1h6W8Y91QaAAL7?e=nnfZ0C
Unlike the woman in the Joachim Trier film, who ends up alone, you are vastly overrating who you think I can get pushing forty. I have only contemplated being with you, a decade?
Then, even with the best care and consistent maintenance, having a child lowers your hotness. You have always been hotter than me. You know this. I know that I cannot get anyone like you, who knows me so well. I will have to keep up with you not vice versa.
Exercise 91.
I slept through my alarm, which is unlike me. I usually get up before my alarm. I had a long dream, but I barely remember it.
What appeared to be successful is staying at my desk. I want to finish an Exercise before I go back to work.
Where it concerns my creative projects, I have a good recollection of the memory, but my feelings are never constant. In fact, the last thing I remember is drawing the sink, and walking into the reflection.
Exercise 92, and 91 here.
https://awarewomenartists.com/en/artiste/catherine-murphy/
I will admit that I should not have delayed in taking my time off, and using it productively for the Exercises.
After a New Year of overeating, over-exercising, I feel like a beast of burden on day 1 of 4. What is good, but hard, is training a person as critical as myself. It is difficult to field questions all day, plan for staffing, while all efforts remain barely adequate. Few; however, are able to do it.
https://books.google.com/books?id=AWmcM5vB2t0C&pg=PA467&dq=tehillim+111+learning+torah&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiWw8GipJiEAxUVg4kEHde4BjgQ6AF6BAgMEAM#v=onepage&q=tehillim%20111%20learning%20torah&f=false
https://thejewishweekly.com/tehillim-psalm-32/
This is the psalm read the shabbat before Yom Kippur. The Author endeavored to be known the most for repentance. I have the two-volume Art Scroll Mesorah edition from a library in Metairie, from métayage. I read the number I am directed to read daily.
The volumes have acceptable foxing on the top compressed pages, but all are pristine within, as if they had never been read.
I found this book a few days ago, and I will read it sometime, where I turned to Carol Gillot of Parisbreakfast whose blog I read and appreciate for the light-headed watercolors, and then the page I turned to "the stash of eggshell-blue Olivetti Lettera 22 portables".
https://books.google.com/books?id=x_uKDwAAQBAJ&pg=PT10&source=kp_read_button&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&gboemv=1#v=onepage&q&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=9PToGLIBt6UC&pg=PR24&dq=tehillim+16&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj79KjZ9v2EAxVulYkEHRmXC0w4ChDoAXoECAoQAw#v=onepage&q=tehillim%2016&f=false
This cover features George Stubbs's Whistlejacket (1762) (!)
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/722363/you-dreamed-of-empires-by-alvaro-enrigue-translated-by-natasha-wimmer/
https://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/paintings/george-stubbs-whistlejacket
What Tehillim (Psalms) 16 means to me: when one's actions are dictated by G-d, one can be confident one is making the right choice. One's night conscience bestirs again.
I have come in so exhausted from work, and then I awake between 1 and 3 am. I am neglecting my creative life. I know.
I will still put Exercise 91 here.
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