"But how did they evolve, where did the first one come from, they weren't an invasion from another planet, they were
terrestrial. How did we get bad. For us when we were small the origin was Hitler, he was the great evil, many tenacled, ancient and indestructible as the Devil. It didn't matter that he had shrunk to a few cinders and teeth by the
time I heard about him; I was certain he was alive, he was in the comic books my brother brought home in the winters and he was in my brother's scrapbook too, he was the swastikas on the tanks, if only he could be destroyed everyone would be saved, safe. When our father made bonfires to burn the weeds we would throw sticks into the flames and chant "Hitler's house is burning down, My Fair Lady-O"; we knew it helped. All possible horrors were measured against him. But Hitler was gone and the thing remained; whatever it was, even then, moving away from them as they smirked and waved goodbye, I asked Are the Americans worse than Hitler. It was like cutting up a tapeworm, the pieces grew" (149).
"As he stood there, the silver trumpets prolonged their note, as if reluctant to leave the lovely sight which their blast had called forth; and Chastity, Purity, and Modesty, inspired, no doubt, by Curiosity, peeped in at the door and threw a garment like a towel at the naked form which, unfortunately, fell short by several inches. Orlando looked himself up and down in a long looking-glass, without showing any signs of discomposure , and went, presumably, to his bath"
(138).
time I heard about him; I was certain he was alive, he was in the comic books my brother brought home in the winters and he was in my brother's scrapbook too, he was the swastikas on the tanks, if only he could be destroyed everyone would be saved, safe. When our father made bonfires to burn the weeds we would throw sticks into the flames and chant "Hitler's house is burning down, My Fair Lady-O"; we knew it helped. All possible horrors were measured against him. But Hitler was gone and the thing remained; whatever it was, even then, moving away from them as they smirked and waved goodbye, I asked Are the Americans worse than Hitler. It was like cutting up a tapeworm, the pieces grew" (149).
"As he stood there, the silver trumpets prolonged their note, as if reluctant to leave the lovely sight which their blast had called forth; and Chastity, Purity, and Modesty, inspired, no doubt, by Curiosity, peeped in at the door and threw a garment like a towel at the naked form which, unfortunately, fell short by several inches. Orlando looked himself up and down in a long looking-glass, without showing any signs of discomposure , and went, presumably, to his bath"
(138).
Mentre ch'io canto, Iddio Redentore
vedo l'Italia tutta a fiamma e foco.
While I sing, God the Redeemer
While I sing, God the Redeemer
See Italy all to flame and smoke.
28 comments:
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/books/audio/audio.asp?audiofile=file4
WHERE THE ROOTS REACH FOR WATER A Personal & Natural History; of Melancholia By Jeffrey Smith North Point Press: 298 pp., $24
One in fives cases of depression in the United States ends in suicide, Jeffrey Smith writes, more than once in this description of his own depression and his efforts to understand and live with it. When "Where the Roots Reach for Water" opens, he is working as a psychiatric case manager in Missoula, Mont., riding a variety of antidepressants like a roller coaster and contemplating suicide. After years of running from his melancholy, he turns to face it and, sure enough, it builds like a tsunami before him, drawing itself up to its full height. Deeply connected to nature and dependent on wilderness for the little peace and inspiration he is able to find in his life, Smith likens his depression to a kind of thirst, his attempts at happiness as roots reaching under the earth. "The shape of the root is where diversities draw together and make something new," he writes, "all this life begins in one place: beneath the earth." One source of Smith's sadness is his memory of his childhood home in Ohio in the '60s, a rural home ruined by pile drivers and developers and chemical plants. Others are perhaps his father's distance and his mother's unhappiness. Or, as his grandmother tells him, it's simply "in the blood." In the end, he is unconquered but respectful in awe of the enemy.
http://articles.latimes.com/1999/oct/24/books/bk-25538
http://melancholia.tribe.net/
http://books.google.com/books?id=8sgE46OyYpYC&pg=PT102&dq=%22Algeria+by+1848,+after+the+tragic+death+of+the+paternal+grandfather,+a+sometime+poet+who+composed+his+verses+mounted+on+a+donkey%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=rWt7U5HVKIrroASnu4CYAg&ved=0CC0Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=%22Algeria%20by%201848%2C%20after%20the%20tragic%20death%20of%20the%20paternal%20grandfather%2C%20a%20sometime%20poet%20who%20composed%20his%20verses%20mounted%20on%20a%20donkey%22&f=false
http://www.poetica.fr/poeme-461/sybille-rembard-ivresse-rose/
Exercise 91.
I removed the May December trailer (2023) because someone made a remark about it. Classic privacy invasion without particulars.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSP5D_fhNMs
Today, our class went to this indescribably beautiful hideaway in Fincastle with stone walls, interesting abandoned houses, which were lit up in autumn foliage...
https://fincastleherald.com/lignite-a-botetourt-ghost-town/
The stable manager was very specific in answering all questions over the ration balancer and energy bins with a dozen supplements intermingled in each portion:
https://thehorse.com/18818/pros-and-cons-of-feeding-horses-beet-pulp/
https://ceh.vetmed.ucdavis.edu/health-topics/polysaccharide-storage-myopathy-pssm#:~:text=Polysaccharide%20storage%20myopathy%20(PSSM)%20is,as%20%E2%80%9Ctying%2Dup%E2%80%9D.
https://aaep.org/issue/pop-its-back#:~:text=To%20paint%20a%20picture%20of,tear%20away%20from%20the%20cannon.
https://extension.umn.edu/horse-health/strangles-horses
I already knew this. That is not a revelation to me.
The next question is can we be mutually honest, and reveal ourselves completely to each other? Only someone like you can understand someone like me.
https://www.bonappetit.com/drinks/cocktails/article/cocktail-umbrella-history
Exercise 91.
The perennial dispute is also concerning MY level of productivity. The nudge from the void about what I should be doing is always noted, appreciated, but the time table ultimately decides itself.
I do not waste my life on bureaucratic meetings and televised sports, no?
Sukkot in Kislev...the companion piece to the Purple Hairstreak, Exercise 91.
https://youtu.be/li-wEtaJTb4?si=FesLVtBzuWbSIw7P
https://books.google.com/books?id=8-k9AQAAMAAJ&pg=RA1-PA7&dq=our+mutual+friend+education&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjZ07alr_yCAxUIlIkEHVFgCvE4ChDoAXoECAgQAw#v=onepage&q=our%20mutual%20friend%20education&f=false
What I have concluded is that my mother neither understood me nor nurtured me in the way I needed; as she was damaged herself, but this captures her well. According to her, she is blameless in all things. I do not say that in anger.*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1emS3mkMoGvyv2PGOx4mEs3RKMepryB7G/view?usp=drivesdk
I think about this as inspiration. I will do it as an Exercise sometime.
https://www.artforum.com/features/gerhard-richters-betty-204259/
What I have considered, after thinking about May December, is that it isn't a film about reverse-gender grooming or second thoughts. Their life is surprisingly stable, and launched two young people into adulthood. They translated the romantic fantasy into flesh and blood. Just like graduating from high school, for those graduating into a less pressured lifestyle it is challenging.
I feel like a retiree; now, sometimes, where the next level has to be satisfied. I could have chosen any vocation ten years ago, and committed to it, and made the same amount that I make now. Now that I can support myself; I have to commit to spiritual goals, and the physical details take care of themselves.
"A healthy connection with a spouse cannot emerge when one marries due to a Pascal’s Wager type of reckoning. So too a healthy and life-affirming relationship with Hashem is possible only when one is fully committed to the relationship."
https://www.koltorah.org/halachah/at-what-age-did-avraham-avinu-discover-hashem-by-rabbi-chaim-jachter
I hosted my brother and Elevendy (she accidentally missed tutoring) all day to assist with the delivery of the refrigerator. It turned out well, but I am always slightly on edge hosting workmen in the house. I work the weekend through Monday.
Exercise 91 and 92 will go here.
I am off 12/31-1/3. My intention is to complete one project in that time.
Yes, I missed that window, but I am course-correcting.
https://youtu.be/kDEXX82mZ_0?si=Vg8MhgWd3MNFJGqP
My mother is like this; completely in denial, but would anyone survive such scrutiny? In her case, I know she kept certain aspects of her life secret to remain sane in an abusive marriage.
It is like the premise of the much contested zoo animals. I see the evidence; and I sense at the deepest level, they are loved and well-treated, yet the circumstances of their captivity make it wrong.
Deception molded into deception to leaven life, and make it rise. I can only keep trying to repair the defects in my nature, and live up to my ideals.
https://books.google.com/books?id=4aHjEAAAQBAJ&pg=PA39&dq=letter+chet+hebrew+a+soul+torn+apart&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiyl7G3u7yEAxV7l4kEHa2gB0YQ6AF6BAgIEAM#v=onepage&q=letter%20chet%20hebrew%20a%20soul%20torn%20apart&f=false
I am preparing for my midterm March 6th. With that done, I am going to take up the projects again. To rectify things with you, too.
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/137080/jewish/Chet.htm
Toward the transcendence of the number 8, and the transmutation of the vav and the zayin that is not possible without surrender.
I will finish the current card, in a shape that harmonizes, at the end. I am not disposed to do it the evening after a less than optimal performance at school.
In the dream, last night, I was picking out some navy leather hand-stitched gloves for you, and bear paws in glove form, for myself.
I finished the backlog of continuing ed in my blue office at Stephenson, which has since then been converted into a holding area for the youngest.
My conscientiousness does not allow me to let anything go...Nothing. I have to finish assignments today; and only then, will I be free to work on the projects.
https://www.google.com/books/edition/Exoplanets/mNJmDwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=%22Mauna%20Kea%20Observatory%2C%20one%20of%20the%2010-meter%20Keck%20twins%20and%20the%208.1-meter%20Gemini%20North%20instrument%2C%20to%20study%20infrared%20radiation%20from%20the%20vicinity%20of%20the%20star%20HR8799%20%22&pg=PT42&printsec=frontcover
I was finishing mowing and cursory trimming (for another day, the larger sections), and now I am sitting in the blue room finishing assignments. I drew chet from my aleatory hebrew letter deck today. Chet is in the word חילול or chillul, which is desecration. Chet is also number 8, a number above creation.
https://www.pealim.com/dict/3066-chavaya/
It does not change anything.
I am emotionally exhausted with oozing blisters on my feet, and I received a call about someone being locked out at the Stephenson house. I do not think my animals have faired well.
Things will be fine. This is just life. I went to pick up our ordered food for dinner, since they spent the late afternoon and evening flying kites on the beach, and the proprietors looked very afraid like they were being held up by two patrons. They followed me to my car, but I lost them.
The little boy's second birthday is tomorrow. We will be likely gone all day. The aquarium, and the like.
I see older parents with young families here.
I will get up early, if possible, to invest in our current projects.
My nephew throws Lincoln logs into the cat fountain. He runs up and down the steps until he tires and sits the path down.
My niece cuts pieces of her yogurt tube plastic, and leaves it on the living room floor.
I will aim to finish writing the Card Tuesday. Next Monday through Wednesday, I am at the Homestead to pursue outdoor activities. Sharon and Walter have a suite and I have a suite.
I work tomorrow. I will do it.
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