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"[...]a vessel cleaving the dungeon of the waves[...]"
You're Love in the Time of Cholera!
by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Like Odysseus in a work of Homer, you demonstrate undying loyalty by
sleeping with as many people as you possibly can. But in your heart you never give
consent! This creates a strange quandary of what love really means to you. On the
one hand, you've loved the same person your whole life, but on the other, your actions
barely speak to this fact. Whatever you do, stick to bottled water. The other stuff
could get you killed.
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
Never miss a word
You're Infinite Jest!
by David Foster Wallace
While you1 consider yourself2 to be clever,
there are those3 who think you're just full of yourself or, perhaps worse,
playing a joke4 on everyone around you, and yet you are pretty sure that
you really are that brilliant after all, since people would hardly take the time to
get to know you5 if they didn't care very deeply about what you had to
say to them, to wit, about their lives, their hopes, their dreams, their fears, their
drug habits, and of course what videos6 they prefer to watch, since,
after all, your impressive vocabulary and tendency to go on and on7 makes
you seem superior, able to educate them, and really drive a sense of something
ineffable into their measly little skulls while you are not above making a cheap
gag or really going after anyone or anything or telling them about incredible
futures involving tennis, geopolitics, and
1Meaning you personally, not someone like you or your own
personal daddy, for example.
2As well as you can see yourself, which, frankly, may not be that well.
3Though we wouldn't deign to be so peripatetic as to name them here, mind.
4Jokes, though not common in Victorian England, were known to originate
sometime in ancient history, perhaps as early as the time of Babylon, or even before.
It is thought that the history of the joke plays an integral role in the mindset of
the characters depicted here, though you may disagree at this point, in which case I
am facing quite the dilemma in relaying this narrative, no?
5It is rather time consuming, after all.
6Ha!
7and on and on and on...
Take the Book Quiz II
at the Blue Pyramid.
You're The Metamorphosis!
by Franz Kafka
Though you think you're in the midst of a dream, the fact of the
matter is that your life has become a nightmare. The nightmare at first seems
horrific to you, but you are slowly able to adjust to the facts of the matter
and settle down and make do with what you've been given. There are those that
would say you're pointless and absurd, but you're really just trying to
demonstrate that people can (and do) adapt to anything, no matter how absurd
it is. Not that this will really inspire them to change, because they probably
don't understand.
Take the Book Quiz II
at the Blue Pyramid.
About Me
- Σφιγξ
- possesses wholly unmerited academic pretensions; examines love as an entomologist; collects haunted dollshouses; notes the lunar phase as regularly as the temperature; peruses field guides; reads like a serial magazine subscriptionist; functions through coffee and "mood" music; draws to the very corners of the page; takes notes on unlined paper; reads poetry as prayer; observes textual authority with the incredulity of fiction; suppresses the smart-ass answer(s); adapts as well as anyone beseiged by her own bibelots; she is a sensation seeker in spite of all of this.
17 comments:
"Close to the River"
The tower walls at midnight burn
with fraught desire, the rocks beneath
are taut and wet with fiction's blood.
Someone leaps. The other turns.
____But who is who?
Forget what you want, but
don't forget the Link that grew me,
that travels deeply
through me in the form of every thought that I think.
The loathing and the love,
bubbling together at the
brink of my emotion.
This commotion started long before my face
was ever etched into the wall of time.
I have both of your madnesses inside me.
I am in constant disagreement with myself.
But I cannot leave me.
You both cannot leave me.
Nor each other. Believe me.
I am the ring that won't slip off with soap.
The armies have broken inside me, and now they stand poised and opposed.
Now there is blood.
Now there is love standing covered in glory,
and honour lies covered in mud.
You and I, Ma, we built too close to the river.
Look at us washing our minds free of fever,
brushing off bird shit and bad dreams forever,
and never once turning the tide.
Thank you for pains and concerns that have
made me in turn more unhappy and kind.
I am proud to remind them of you.
--Anno Birkin, Easter 2001
http://www.last.fm/music/Jane+Birkin/_/Anno+''Close+To+The+River''+(Live)
I am inclined to tear breeches from the fabric of time.
[breaches in the fabric of time]
I cannot swear, and it mean anything, but I do live and love for you. See you in July.
Or maybe not July...
I remember listening to this when someone did the same to me, and for years I could not hear it without crying.
When I first contacted you, I thought that I could find a way of supporting us both in the future because I held this Link in my mind. It was discouraging after the years; not in the frame of your contemporaries or travels, I am not really so small, but the protracted wait seeing to so many needs here instead of my own.
I realize that I am not your equal, or the equal of many of your contemporaries, in finding the most efficient, diplomatic path for advancement, and it requires more humility from me to extend my improbable Love, which is not subdivided or attenuated into others as I would have you think, in my nastier moments.
The biopsy is inconclusively benign, and I can put off coring a negative margin in my left lateral sole.
I love you.
I am exhausted from living many years in solitude in the protracted effort. I know, the time before and after will not matter. Just keep going.
I was a bit put off, having to come in to finish a shift for four hours, in order for a colleague to depart for Thailand this evening. But then, she paid me a nominal amount, which was unexpected. Then, I know it nearly killed the person who cross-examines my report every evening, but then she needed to borrow my ACLS textbook to retake the course. It was not quite an unpleasant afternoon, after all.
https://www.wsj.com/articles/land-of-mine-review-reversed-sympathies-1486668054
We cannot peacefully negotiate some circumstances. We are too fixed in seeing it one way.
"In a composite chart, Mars in the eighth house can make each person in the relationship feel frustrated. Mars'[s] fighting energy can get suffocated by situations that no amount of fighting can change. It's best to use Mars'[s] fighting nature to battle for each other's survival when difficulty arises. Mars'[s] natural desire to defend the weak can be used to support each other, and turn each person in the relationship into a real hero. Remember to focus Mars'[s] energy on keeping each other strong against whatever seemingly inevitable gains and losses occur between each of you, as individuals, or between you as a couple and the outside world. This will keep your relationship strong."
http://www.southfloridaastrologer.com/composite-mars-in-the-houses.html
Neptune square Sun: A confusing period - Astrodienst
"Mid-April 2019 until beginning of February 2021: This can be a period of confusion and uncertainty in which your life direction becomes unclear. Even if you have previously felt that you knew what you were doing and why, now you may encounter circumstances that force you to question your assumptions. Your will may seem to be temporarily paralyzed, and you won't have your usual energy. In fact this influence can coincide with times of low physical vitality and low psychological energy. For this reason you should avoid unnecessary physical stress and follow good health habits to maintain strong overall resistance to illness.
But it is much more likely that this influence will result in disorientation, as alluded to above. You may experience disappointments in your work, career or even in your home life that make you feel defeated and dispirited. But you must not sit back and allow this reaction. Certainly you may suffer defeats during this time, but these defeats occur only when you do something that is not a true reflection of yourself. Because your total energy as a human being is not behind your actions, you don't push through with the vigor that would guarantee success: hence your failure.
You should avoid several types of activity during this time, because your insecurity about yourself will make them turn out badly. First, this is not a particularly good time to become involved in spiritual or mystical sects. Your sense of self needs nourishment and growth, not denial. You are not yet ready for that, and the teachings of such groups are likely to confuse you and retard your development as a human being. Similar warnings apply to the study of the occult in general.
Second, avoid risky or speculative ventures, because your sense of reality is too weak to appraise the risks accurately. If you are having trouble in your work, avoid the temptation to change jobs now. Later, when you understand your needs better, you may be able to make the change. Any new job you start now would not be an improvement over the present one."
In the wound care clinic, I was offered a job, which included congenial colleagues and business hours. I would like a less stressful job surrounding topicals, their interactions with the wound bed and such; and yet, I would be stagnant and out-of-practice when it comes time to begin clinical rotations with hospitalists.
GV/MB impregnated foam dressing*
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4717508/#s001title
Thank you, for reminding me. I went for a walk and cleaned the house. I am not impatient with you or the situation.
Exercise 91.
https://www.gottman.com/blog/p-is-for-problems/
"John Gottman’s research revealed that about ⅔ of relationship problems are unsolvable. One of my favorite questions for couples is whether that statistic is discouraging or encouraging. Think about that for a second. Does the idea that 69% of your issues are not going away bum you out? Or does it give you hope?
Most couples I know are frustrated by the fact that most of their problems are unsolvable. It’s hard to have the same battles over and over again. My personal bias, however, is that I’m glad to know that we’re normal."
It gives me hope that despite our unsolvable problems, the chain of inquiry is picked up again, and again. Only someone inherently optimistic is capable of this.
Exercise 91.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpyMjVuPKns
https://books.google.com/books?id=ik0yzp1nNikC&pg=PA62&dq=Trust+Me!+Parkoff+%22simple+faith%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi-1snsouOFAxUDjokEHbzwCegQ6AF6BAgOEAM#v=onepage&q=Trust%20Me!%20Parkoff%20%22simple%20faith%22&f=false
https://books.google.com/books?id=aUPCk8a2YhwC&pg=PA67&dq=shin+sheker&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjk2MfGo-OFAxVblokEHSJCA6oQ6AF6BAgJEAM#v=onepage&q=shin%20sheker&f=false
My niece and nephew gave me a slight cold/sinus infection. They coughed and sneezed adjacent to me all afternoon yesterday.
We have the rotating door of chronic ventilators from the facilities for winter now. It will be ok, and I will wear a mask. I must prioritize sleep, and not stay late even if they are bringing patients from surgery at shift change.
https://www.nature.com/articles/s42003-021-02825-4
I will do some reading and catch up on my lectures this week, despite the above.
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